Sunday, September 30, 2012

Raw #33 - September 27th, 1993

WWF President Jack Tunney opens the 33rd episode of Raw by announcing the suspension of Shawn Michaels for avoiding title defenses (Really? Shawn Michaels?). Michaels is therefore stripped of the Intercontinental title, and the new champion will be decided next week and the week after that via a battle royal and singles match, respectively. I don't know the real story behind the suspension, but I'm positive Shawn's name will be drug through the mud next week when 20 contenders test their mettle in the ring for the vacant title.

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Raw #32 - September 20th, 1993

Raw's 32nd episode, which will feature two future ECW World Champions, opens with a replay of last week's tag title change, wherein the Steiners lost the belts due to DQ to the Quebecers. We see clips of all the different points of the match in which the Steiners almost got disqualified, including a very awkward aerial attack by Rick that his opponent may or may not have countered with his knees (it's impossible to tell; I don't think either wrestler even knew). Finally, Scott hits a Quebecer with a hockey stick like an idiot, giving the French Canadians the championships on their first Raw match.

Tonight, Scott Steiner takes on Quebecer and future pirate Pierre, as future ECW valet Francine looks on in the audience. Bobby Heenan is sick tonight after having been doused in cold water by Doink, despite the prank taking place an entire week before, and despite the fact that you can't catch a cold from being cold. Maybe Doink tainted the water. Heenan mentions buying up as collectors' items a half dozen WWF Magazines with the Steiners on the cover with the titles, assuring us that we'd ever see the Steiner Brothers with those belts again. That's classic heel hyperbole, diminished slightly by the fact that he's right.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Haitian Ramon

Everybody needs to check out the Youtube channel of Dogmatic Premades, who I am going to guess is from Haiti. He re-enacts famous WWF vignettes from the 1990s.

For example, you might have seen this Razor Ramon promo about the chicas.
Now check out the remake:

"I am not going to scare your heart out. I'm going to scare your soul!"

Raw #31 - September 13th, 1993

Tonight's Raw, number thirty-one, is the first after Summerslam 1993, which saw Lex Luger fulfill his two-months-long dream of beating Yokozuna (except for the part about winning the title). The show opens with Vince McMahon explaining the rules to tonight's tag team title match. The Steiners will defend against the Quebecers, a team only even mentioned once before on Raw, under Province of Quebec Rules. Under these stipulations, the titles can change hands on disqualification or countout, and disqualifications can be brought on by top rope moves, piledrivers, and throwing your opponent over the top rope. Why the Steiners would agree to these rules, I have no idea. It's not like the Quebecers were even anywhere near the front of the line for the tag titles.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

What will be the next new WWE tag team?

I swear WWE is stealing my ideas. 

Last night, when Michael Cole announced that the WWE Universe™ would get to name Kane & Daniel Bryan's tag team, I immediately thought up the name, "No" Chants in Hell. Two hours later, the choices were given, and the winner was Team Hell No.

Then, Cody Rhodes and Damien Sandow announced their team name, Team Rhodes Scholar. And here's what I posted to Botchamania's Facebook page a year and a half ago, before Sandow even debuted:

Can you imagine me stealing someone else's ideas?

I wouldn't be surprised if WWE made the following tag teams a reality in the near future:

Monday, September 24, 2012

Summerslamania 1993

I decided to watch Summerslam 1993 this weekend, wondering if perhaps this time Lex Luger would win the title. Of course, I couldn't be content with just watching it, so I stayed true to my passion of watching old videos of grown men pretend to beat each other up and then writing about it. What follows is a very brief, unhelpful overview of the event. And a highlight video. You should probably watch that.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Lex Luger joins Green Day

Not Raw #31 - August 23rd, 1993

This week's episode opens in a studio with Vince McMahon and Bobby Heenan. Vince tells us that this is not Monday Night Raw. Well, looks like my work is done here.

Of course, the show doesn't end there. Tonight's program will be a one-hour version of the previous night's Summerslam Spectacular special (or Triple S, as in would be known after joining D-Generation X). Stay tuned for some highly edited action on this hour-long infomercial for the pay-per-view.

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Ancient Raw reviews

If you want an interesting look, both at smarks from 1993 and at the early internet in general, take a gander at this old wrestling community that posted recaps of every Raw, as they happened.

Unfortunately, these recaps lack the links, pictures, videos, and nineteen years of hindsight found on How Much Does This Guy Weigh? However, they do establish that the mythical September 6th, 1993 edition of Raw, which I have been trying to hunt down for some time now, never existed. Bummer. I was looking forward to seeing that Adam Bomb-Virgil match.

Raw #30 - August 16th, 1993

IRS is a butt-patter. He loves patting boys' butts.
Raw's big 3-0 comes to you from Poughkeepsie, NY, home of the second-rate Raw graphics and a population well over a thousand people, unlike Alexandria Bay, where Raw has been held the past two weeks. Ted Dibiase comes down the aisle of the Mid-Hudson Civic Center to avenge his upset loss to the 123 Kid. Neither Razor Ramon nor IRS are allowed at ringside tonight. DiBiase pounds the Kid from the start. Razor, who is on the phone, says that the 123 Kid has a few surprises for the rich mang. The Kid is silent on the offensive front until launching a series of body presses and quick moves on DiBiase a few minutes into the match. DiBiase quickly regains control, but gets caught with a top rope body press. The Kid then attempts the Very High Risk Maneuver (#1) again, but it pushed off the top rope by IRS. The Steiners, who face Money Inc. in a cage match next week at the Summerslam Spectacular special on USA, make the save and clear the ring of the rich mang and the tax mang. The 123 Kid wins by disqualification. Vince McMahon argues with Bobby Heenan, insisting that there are only two columns, a win column and a loss column, and that this match would be entered into the "loss" column for Ted DiBiase. Curiously, the WWF has never published any win-loss columns, anywhere, ever.

Friday, September 21, 2012

Raw #29 - August 9th, 1993

Lex Luger and Winston: A winning tag team for America!
Raw's twenty-ninth episode again takes place in Alexandria Bay, New York. We kick off the episode with a series of clips from Lex Luger's Lex Express tour, including footage of his visit to the Chicago White Sox's Comiskey Park. Luger throws out the ceremonial first pitch, not only wearing one of those ridiculous fanny packs that wrestlers would wear in the 90s to carry their pills, but in full view of a giant cigarette billboard.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Raw #28 - August 2nd, 1993

Episode twenty-eight emanates from "waaaay upstate New York," Alexandria Bay. Vince and Bobby are at ringside, but not Randy, who is competing tonight against Doink, who last week appeared with two other Doinks in the Manhattan Center. Randy tells us he is "jacked up and pumped up to the max" in Alexandria Bay, "land of a thousand islands." Too bad Raw would stop holding shows here once Vince found out that the Land of a Thousand Islands was actually just the Land of Ketchup and Mayonnaise Mixed Together. Macho Man promises a "little surprise" for Doink.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Shut Up for WWE!

And don't mention the Attitude Era.

We here at How Much Does This Guy Weigh? whole-heartedly support Linda McMahon's bid for United States Senator from Connecticut. For that reason, we also applaud WWE's recent decision to remove "dated and edgier" material from Youtube and other media platforms so as to prevent such footage from being "misused in political environments without any context or explanation as to when it was produced." Bravo, WWE, for stopping footage from being taken out of context for unfair attacks on Linda McMahon. After all, most of the offending footage is from the Attitude Era, which ended over a decade ago and thus has no relation whatsoever to Linda McMahon or her 2012 election campaign (aside from the fact that Mrs. McMahon was CEO of the company during the time, which saw the then-WWF make hundreds of millions of dollars off the "edgier" material during the company's most successful period in history).

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Raw #27 - July 26th, 1993

The twenty-seventh episode of Monday Night Raw begins with Doink the Clown warning the Macho Man not to interfere in any more of his matches, like he did in the Jannetty/Doink 2/3 Falls match, when Savage showed the referee two Doinks. Doink threatens a "surprise" for Randy. Stu and Helen Hart are in attendance tonight, sitting in the balcony to watch their son Bret take on Bam Bam Bigelow in a rematch from the King of the Ring finals. Bobby Heenan claims to be in contact with Jerry Lawler and that the King will be in Manhattan tonight.

Bam Bam starts off by pounding Hart down with punches. He whips Hart to the ropes, but the Hitman counters with a Nice Maneuver (#1), sliding between Bigelow's legs and catching him with a series of right hands. A running dropkick and a clothesline send the big man over the top rope. Hart follows Bigelow to the outside, but gets distracted by Luna. Bam Bam tries to club him from behind, but Bret turns around in time to counter. With Bigelow rolled back into the ring, Hart executes a seated senton from the top rope, but injures his knee on the landing.

Bret Hart spends most of the commercial break outside the ring nursing his injury, then rolls back in when he gets word that he's back on the air. Bigelow hits a devastating belly-to-back suplex, lifting Bret way up high. Bobby Heenan claims that Hart's parents are there to hit their son up for money. Meanwhile, Hart tries a body press on Bam Bam, but gets caught and slammed by the Beast from the East. He then hits a series of falling headbutts on Bret, but misses the last one and gets caught with another belly-to-back suplex, this time with Hart taking down Bam Bam. In response to Bret's big-man move, Bigelow hits a small-man move, dropkicking Hart and then slapping on a chinlock in time for the commercial.

Monday, September 17, 2012

New Channel, "New" Video

It's the first video on my new channel, Art0Donnell2. While I plan to migrate my older videos over to the new channel, I've consolidated the various Raw clips I've posted into one long video.

Be sure to subscribe to the new channel, as that's where all my new videos will be posted!

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Trash from the Past - Championship Scramble

In honor of tonight's Night of Champions pay-per-view, I look back at 2008's September PPV event, Unforgiven. 

Multi-man title matches have been a staple of wrestling since the mid-90s. There are of course pros and cons to such matches, especially when conducted under "sudden death" rules where the first person to score a fall wins the match and the title. On the plus side, Triple Threats and other such matches allow for psychology, strategy, and drama not possible in one-on-one matches, forcing competitors to constantly be on guard not only to try to pin their opponents, but also to prevent them from pinning each other. In addition, one-fall multi-man matches allow bookers to take the title off a champion indirectly (since the champion need not be pinned or submit to lose the match), allowing storylines to advance without making the (former) champ look weak.

Raw #26 - July 19th, 1993

Raw's twenty-sixth episode starts off with Shawn Michaels vs. Marty Jannetty in a rematch for HBK's Intercontinental title, a match I didn't know existed until yesterday. Raw girl Themis Klarides holds up yet another suggestive sign in the ring. Meanwhile, Michaels is accompanied by his fashion-challenged insurance policy, Diesel. Shawn's belt (excuse me, championship) now has a black strap, replacing the white strap, which replaced the blue strap. Diesel stands silently by in his rhinestone jacket and cowboy boots, perhaps mentally thanking Vince for at least not dubbing him "The Rhinestone Cowboy." Vince does, however, call him a "cool dude in a loose mood." WWF lost out on a great merchandising opportunity right there. Marty shows up Michaels' bodyguard by wearing an even more hideous outfit straight out of the early 90s (which, incidentally, is when this match took place).

What could have been.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Guns don't kill people. Maneuvers do.

Inspired by a Youtube comment by RaisingMyFists.

Raw #25 - July 10th, 1993

The twenty-fifth episode of Raw kicks off with Yokozuna taking on Crush, who challenged him for the title last week. Bobby Heenan complains that Lex Luger cheated by using his steel-plated elbow before executing "The Hiplock Heard 'Round the World." Macho Man is still wearing his American flag suit at ringside. Tonight's opening match is the first second WWF Title match in the history of Raw. The IC title has been defended several times, including on the first episode. Meanwhile, the tag team titles have yet to be put on the line on Raw.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

ManeuverMania 1

Here is my biggest project to date, a compilation of all "Maneuvers" called by Vince McMahon on Raw in its first 6 months. Originally, I was going to hold off until I had collected a years' worth, but seeing as Vince said "Maneuver" 159 times in the first 24 episodes, I'd say 12 minutes of Maneuvers will suffice for now.

Expect the Raw blog posts to continue this weekend as I cover the Summer of Luger.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

The King is King

We here at How Much Does This Guy Weigh? ("we" meaning "I") wish Jerry Lawler a speedy recovery from his heart attack suffered this past Monday Night on Raw. According to Smith Hart, Lawler was clinically dead for 20 minutes before being resuscitated. Then again, this is the same guy who named his daughter Satanic Ecstasy Hart, so take what he says with a grain of salt. Lawler is reported to have not suffered brain damage from any loss of consciousness.

Jerry Lawler was the announcer I grew up with, having commentated WWF Superstars in 1993 even before he became a regular on Monday Night Raw. In honor of the King, here is one of my favorite matches of all time, Bret Hart vs. Doink/Jerry Lawler. This whole feud was classic, leading to a match with some of the biggest heat ever generated on WWF PPV. I look forward to reviewing the Raws of Summer 1993, where this feud played out.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Monday, September 10, 2012


To commemorate the first six months of Raw, here's a compilation of all instances of the Raw motto repeated by the announcers. I'm taking a few days off from reviewing Raws to put the final touches on a much bigger project.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Raw #24 - July 5th, 1993

The twenty-fourth Raw starts off with a brief recap of the Stars & Stripes Challenges from the previous day, presented without commentary but with austere military music playing over top of footage of guys not picking up Yokozuna. After the Raw theme hits, the fans with miniature American flags chant USA and Vince shows a more complete recap with commentary. We first hear a voice-cracking rendition of the Star-Spangled Banner by Lee Rouson, followed by a shot of the Chevrolet Silverado, which is white, not blue as promised. Lee Rouson, former running back of the New York Giants, is the first to attempt a slam. Bobby Heenan advises him "to keep running and get some singing lessons." The Charlotte Hornets' Scott Burrell gives up without even attempting to lift the champion, while Bob Backlund, Scott Steiner, and other professional athletes all give a "gallant effort." Yokozuna at one point takes a break to eat rice. Tatanka attempts to fight Yoko, but the champion counters with a Devastating Maneuver (#1), a savate kick to the chin area (I say "chin area" because it clearly did not connect), followed by a leg drop. Crush lifts Yokozuna quite easily, but then just gives up, perhaps remembering that he's not booked to win. Randy Savage is the last contestant, but he doesn't come close to lifting the champion. 

Friday, September 7, 2012

Raw #23 - June 28th, 1993

The twenty-third edition of Monday Night Raw features Kamala challenging for the Intercontinental Title of Shawn Michaels, who has Diesel (formerly known as his "insurance policy") in his corner. There is just something strange about the Two Dudes with Attitudes sharing a ring with Kamala. Then again, Raw has been filled with weird generational overlaps since its inception (Damien Demento vs. Jim Brunzell, Koko B. Ware vs. anyone). Bastion Booger, the re-packaged Friar Ferguson (who lasted one TV taping) takes on Crush.

Pictured (left to right): The Raw girl, Themis Klarides;
fashion plate Diesel.
Diesel is obviously still easing into the leather-clad "Big Daddy Cool" persona, coming to the ring in a white rhinestone jacket and acid wash jeans. Kamala comes to the ring without Slick, forever depriving the wrestling world of a Slick/Diesel confrontation (I wonder which one's taller?). Kamala's gimmick is supposedly being made more sensitive suring this time, with him becoming less savage, more human, and a fan favorite, yet the announcers still have no problem pointing out how stupid he is and how he has no strategy. Michaels and Kamala have a staredown and tease a handshake until Michaels clocks Kamala. The Ugandan giant reverses an Irish whip to the buckle, catching Michaels with a Nice Maneuver (#1 - clothesline). Kamala then bites Shawn's hand, reflecting his "cannibalistic tendencies," says Heenan. Vince brings up Yokozuna's Stars & Stripes Challenge, held this coming Sunday in which he challenges any American athlete to slam him. Kamala, who has bodyslammed Andre the Giant in the past, is ineligible since he's from Uganda (and not, say Mississippi). Shawn jumps right into a Kamala bearhug as we cut to commercial.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Raw #22 - June 21st, 1993

The twenty-second episode of Raw is live from Poughkeepsie, New York, meaning that it's another night of second-rate graphics because the regular Raw graphics are on a computer at the Manhattan Center. We start off the show with a replay of The Kid's upset of Razor Ramon "six" (four) weeks ago. After the Raw intro, Vince runs down tonight's card, including the long-awaited rematch between Razor and the Kid, as well as a 2/3 falls match between Doink and Jannetty.

Flesh-toned tights are a bad choice
made worse as VHS tape degrades.
The Steiner Brothers make their entrance with the tag team titles in hand and are introduced as the new tag team champions. Care to explain, Vince? Their opponents are Barry Hardy and Reno Riggins. Vince goes on to explain that there has been not one, but three title changes in the past week, with the Steiners trading the belts with Money Inc. twice since Monday's house show in Columbus. That's four non-televised title changes so far this year. Scott lands a double-leg takedown on Hardy for a Nice Maneuver (#1) and a tag to Rick, who is wearing tights full of upside-down numbers. Leave the numbers to Scott, please. Rick picks up Hardy over his shoulder like a dominator and runs him gut-first into the top turnbuckle for a Maneuver (#2). Perhaps, Vince wonders, Rick Steiner can slam Yokozuna like that at the Stars and Stripes Challenge on July 4th. Scott tags in and hits a lightning-quick belly-to-belly on Barry Hardy. Steiner throws Hardy to his own corner and dares Reno Riggins to tag in. Steiner hits a Frankensteiner on Riggins, who lands head-first onto Steiner, for the victory.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Raw #21 - June 14th, 1993

The twenty-first episode of Raw begins with an interview taped after last night's King of the Ring, featuring Mr. Fuji and new WWF champion Yokozuna. Fuji plans to celebrate on July 4th at an American historical landmark, much to Mean Gene's shock. A foreigner celebrating something in America? Sick.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Raw #20 - June 7th, 1993

Rattus quadranturcirculus
To start off the twentieth episode of Raw, the ring announcer who is not Howard Finkel introduces the "new World Wrestling Federation Intercontinental Champion" and gives a dramatic pause before Marty Jannetty's music hits. But it's not Jannetty's music, it's Shawn Michael's "Sexy Boy"! The announcer introduces Shawn Michaels, who regained the IC title the previous night in Albany from Marty Jannetty. The audience at home gets to gawk in confusion as the Raw intro plays.


Monday, September 3, 2012

Raw #19 - May 31st, 1993

The nineteenth episode of Raw is live once again after a taped edition last week. Marty Jannetty will be defending his title tonight a mere two weeks after winning it. Likewise, Hulk Hogan will defend his title at King of the Ring a mere two months after winning it.

The Beast from the East walks to the ring with Luna Vachon, prompting Macho Man to wonder, "Which one is the beast?" Sherri pulls Luna Vachon into the ring, but Bam Bam pulls out his future main squeeze to break up the catfight. Bam Bam whips Marty into the ropes and shoulderblocks him, sending Jannetty flipping to the ground. He continues the Irish whips and clotheslines until Jannetty ducks and fights back with strikes and a chop from the top rope that would have been called a tomahawk chop had Tatanka done it. Bam Bam appears to catch Jannetty with a back body drop, but Jannetty lands on his feet with a Maneuver (#1). Sensational Athletic Maneuver (#2) or not, Bigelow still locks a bear hug on him. Bigelow puts Marty in the corner, but Jannetty counters with what looks like a botched head scissors or victory roll and appears to land on his head. Jannetty recovers to hit another Maneuver (#3 - flying head scissors) to take down the big man. Bam Bam counters another Jannetty head scissor attempt with a Maneuver (#4) of his own, slamming down his opponent with an electric chair.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Raw #18 - May 24th, 1993

We start off the eighteenth episode of Raw (available online in WWE re-relase and VHS rip forms) with a re-re-match of Mr. Perfect vs. Doink for the final spot in the King of the Ring tournament. Adam Bomb makes his debut tonight, while his future WCW tag team partner Crush is in action tonight, as well. Doink comes down the aisle only to crawl under the ring. Outside the arena, Lord Alfred Hayes is with Matt Borne-Doink, who tells him that he's not standing out there, it's an illusion! Borne squirts Hayes in the eye and runs off. The referee checks under the ring and pulls out Borne-Doink, who faces Mr. Perfect.

Raw #17 - May 17th, 1993

It's that episode! Well, it's not literally the episode in the picture, but it summarizes tonight's Raw nicely.

Like Mark Henry, except in serious contention for a medal.
Tonight's Raw, the seventeenth episode, is considered one of the best ever. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that it's because of the Tatanka/Scott Taylor match. Earlier in the day, Randy Savage and the debuting Smoking Gunns were on hand for a demonstration with Special Olympians. The Special Olympics, Vince says, begin on June 13th, which is also the date of the King of the Ring pay-per-view. Never try to compete with a WWF pay-per-view; just look at Starrcade '87. Razor Ramon is going to be in action tonight, and "whoever Razor's opponent is," Bobby Heenan predicts, "he's gonna cut him to ribbons." The Native American Tatanka will be in action as well, and Vince McMahon will interview Shawn Michaels. Tonight's scheduled main event is Yokozuna vs. Kamala in  match no one remembers, despite this Raw being one of the most famous of all time.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Raw #16 - May 10th, 1993

The sixteenth episode of Raw opens with footage from earlier in the evening. A fight breaks out between Shawn Michaels and Mr. Perfect outside the Manhattan Center. Perfect tosses Michaels onto the hood of Perfect's car (actually, Howard Finkel's car). Federation officials try to pry the two apart as Michaels leaps at the restrained Mr. Perfect.