Not Raw #31 - August 23rd, 1993

This week's episode opens in a studio with Vince McMahon and Bobby Heenan. Vince tells us that this is not Monday Night Raw. Well, looks like my work is done here.

Of course, the show doesn't end there. Tonight's program will be a one-hour version of the previous night's Summerslam Spectacular special (or Triple S, as in would be known after joining D-Generation X). Stay tuned for some highly edited action on this hour-long infomercial for the pay-per-view.

Raw #30 - August 16th, 1993

IRS is a butt-patter. He loves patting boys' butts.

Raw's big 3-0 comes to you from Poughkeepsie, NY, home of the second-rate Raw graphics and a population well over a thousand people, unlike Alexandria Bay, where Raw has been held the past two weeks. Ted Dibiase comes down the aisle of the Mid-Hudson Civic Center to avenge his upset loss to the 123 Kid. Neither Razor Ramon nor IRS are allowed at ringside tonight. DiBiase pounds the Kid from the start. Razor, who is on the phone, says that the 123 Kid has a few surprises for the rich mang. The Kid is silent on the offensive front until launching a series of body presses and quick moves on DiBiase a few minutes into the match. DiBiase quickly regains control, but gets caught with a top rope body press. The Kid then attempts the Very High Risk Maneuver (#1) again, but it pushed off the top rope by IRS. The Steiners, who face Money Inc. in a cage match next week at the Summerslam Spectacular special on USA, make the save and clear the ring of the rich mang and the tax mang. The 123 Kid wins by disqualification. Vince McMahon argues with Bobby Heenan, insisting that there are only two columns, a win column and a loss column, and that this match would be entered into the "loss" column for Ted DiBiase. Curiously, the WWF has never published any win-loss columns, anywhere, ever.

Raw #26 - July 19th, 1993

Raw's twenty-sixth episode starts off with Shawn Michaels vs. Marty Jannetty in a rematch for HBK's Intercontinental title, a match I didn't know existed until yesterday. Raw girl Themis Klarides holds up yet another suggestive sign in the ring. Meanwhile, Michaels is accompanied by his fashion-challenged insurance policy, Diesel. Shawn's belt (excuse me, championship) now has a black strap, replacing the white strap, which replaced the blue strap. Diesel stands silently by in his rhinestone jacket and cowboy boots, perhaps mentally thanking Vince for at least not dubbing him "The Rhinestone Cowboy." Vince does, however, call him a "cool dude in a loose mood." WWF lost out on a great merchandising opportunity right there. Marty shows up Michaels' bodyguard by wearing an even more hideous outfit straight out of the early 90s (which, incidentally, is when this match took place).

What could have been.

Raw #18 - May 24th, 1993

We start off the eighteenth episode of Raw (available online in WWE re-relase and VHS rip forms) with a re-re-match of Mr. Perfect vs. Doink for the final spot in the King of the Ring tournament. Adam Bomb makes his debut tonight, while his future WCW tag team partner Crush is in action tonight, as well. Doink comes down the aisle only to crawl under the ring. Outside the arena, Lord Alfred Hayes is with Matt Borne-Doink, who tells him that he's not standing out there, it's an illusion! Borne squirts Hayes in the eye and runs off. The referee checks under the ring and pulls out Borne-Doink, who faces Mr. Perfect.

Raw #13 - April 19th, 1993

We open the thirteenth episode of Raw with short promos of Money Inc. and the Beverly Brothers hyping their match tonight. I know the Beverlys are supposed to be from Shaker Heights, Ohio, but their Minnesota accents contradict that pretty conclusively.

Razor Ramon comes down the Mid-Hudson Civic Center's aisle to the regular Monday Night Raw graphics. I guess the WWF did the post-production of this taped episode on their computer at the Manhattan Center. I'm not even kidding anymore. There is something about live shows in Poughkeepsie that prevents Raw from having its regular graphics. Virgil, wrestling superstar, is The Bad Guy's opponent tonight. Virgil makes his way to the ring in his barber-pole pants with his rarely-heard entrance music playing. It sounds like someone playing Jake Roberts's theme music with a cheap synthesizer's trumpet voice. The two exchange hammerlocks and go-behinds, with Razor breaking the holds by grabbing the ropes. I can't blame Razor for taking the safe route here, and if there's anyone known for their safe and responsible decision-making, it's Scott Hall. Razor puts the abdominal stretch on Virgil, but does not grab his far leg. If Gorilla Monsoon were here, Ramon would get an earful about this. 

Raw #10 - March 22nd, 1993

The tenth episode of Raw is back in the Manhattan Center. It's uncut, unpredictable, and un-something else. Shut up, Bartlett. Tonight, the Bushwhackers take on Damien Demento & The Repo Man for the Wrestlecrap Tag Titles.

Raw #8 - March 8th, 1993

"Siam is the biggest country in the world, brother!"

Tonight's Raw is pre-recorded and opens with the Mega-Maniacs talking about their upcoming Wrestlemania match. Beefcake suggests removing the turn signals from their motorcycles so that they can hang their tag belts in front of them. There's something about Hulk Hogan that turns everyone around him into an unsafe driver. Hulkster sings a few bars from The King and I, which he claims he and Brutus have been working out to. I demand footage of that. He promises a surprise for Money Inc. Hopefully it's Deborah Kerr as their valet. The Mega-Maniacs paraphrase SNL:

From New York, it's Monday Night Raw! Whatcha gonna do?

Did I mention that this show is not live?