Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Raw #21 - June 14th, 1993

The twenty-first episode of Raw begins with an interview taped after last night's King of the Ring, featuring Mr. Fuji and new WWF champion Yokozuna. Fuji plans to celebrate on July 4th at an American historical landmark, much to Mean Gene's shock. A foreigner celebrating something in America? Sick.

Mr. Perfect, who lost to Bret Hart in last night's semifinals, squares off with hard gay-styled jobber LA Gore. In reality, this episode was filmed the same night as last week's episode, so don't expect any on-camera acknowledgement of the PPV results by the announcers. Off camera, Heenan discusses the Japanese cameraman (Harvey Wippleman in disguise) and Hogan's bad strategy of "trimming down" and trying to slam Yokozuna. Meanwhile, a match is going on (at least there was until Mr. Perfect hits the Perfectplex).

We get a commercial for the King of the Ring hotline where you can hear interviews with the winners and get the complete results from last night's pay-per-view if you didn't buy it and don't have the internet (which is most everybody in 1993).


What could be inside?
Razor comes to ringside with a big sack. Bobby wonders what's inside the bag, despite it being clearly labeled with a big dollar sign and "$10,000." Ramon says that 123 kid doesn't have to beat him to get the money, because no one beats Razor, anyway (except the 123 Kid and Bret Hart, twice). Ramon offers the stickmang ten grand so he can by himself a life. Vince wonders what would happen if The Kid were to beat Ramon once again, 1-2-3. Why does Vince assume there will be a pinfall? Why not a submission? Granted, the "I Submit" Kid doesn't have the same ring to it, and "Tap Out" Kid wouldn't make sense for many years. 


Doink comes down the aisle drinking what looks like a beer (much like Matt Borne might do in real life) and climbs under the ring before his match with Marty Jannetty and emerges on the other side, this time wearing a jacket. This second Doink is Matt Borne, meaning that the Doink under the ring is Skinner-Doink. Jannetty, wearing the same gear as his action figure, is denied entry into the ring by Doink, who is also wearing the same ring gear as his action figure. Doink takes the fight to the outside and tosses Jannetty into the ring. He whips the former IC champ into the corner, but Jannetty counters with a Great Maneuver (#1), floating over the clown, only to be whipped to the opposite corner, where he counters Doink yet again with a Nice Maneuver (#2), elbowing him in the face. A facebuster fails to put away Doink early, so Marty executes another Nice Maneuver (#3) in the form of an armbar, applying pressure to the "shoulder area."


Macho Man talks about the beginning of one of my favorite feuds of all time, Jerry "The King" Lawler vs. Bret Hart. Lawler beat Hart down with Bret's scepter and throne after the Hitman was coronated last night. Randy Savage says he'd like to see the "self-proclaimed Jerry Lawler" (did he name himself?) take on Hart to see who the real king is. Doink knocks Jannetty to the ring apron, but he slips under Doink's legs with a Maneuver (#4), which he follows up with another Nice Maneuver (#5), a single-leg trip. Jannetty, who Vince incorrectly predicts will "have the belt again," puts a facelock on Doink as we go to commercial, where a young John C. Reilly promotes A&W Cream Soda.

Returning from break, Vince speculates as to which Doink Marty is wrestling: the one who came down to the ring, or the one who emerged from the ring and took off his jacket. Obviously Jannetty is wrestling the latter Doink; the real question is whether the second Doink is the same as the first Doink. We see a shot of a fan dressed in a grotesque Hulkster mask, who Heenan claims is the real Hulk Hogan (post-Banzai Drop). Vince says he's sure the Hulkster will return (in nine years, yes, but it's still a return). Doink scores his first Maneuver (#6) of the match, pulling Jannetty by his tights to the outside of the ring. They brawl on the outside briefly, leading Jannetty to throw Doink back and do a flying crossbody. Doink springs back to his feet and hits Jannetty with a powerslam, smearing makeup all over the former champion's chest. Doink hits the Whoopee Cushion, but pauses too long before pinning Marty, leading to a kickout, despite Doink's finisher being a Maneuver (#7). Doink retaliates by putting Jannetty in a neckbreaker-like chinlock, another Maneuver (#8). The clown once again climbs the ropes, but slips, allowing Jannetty to slam him off the ropes. Jannetty takes over the match with lots of Irish whips, clotheslines, and dropkicks but failing to get the three-count. "But he's not hooking the tights!" exclaims Heenan with a Freudian slip. "I mean the leg!" Doink reverses a Jannetty Irish whip, but telegraphs the back drop, allowing Marty to score with a Maneuver (#9 - facebuster). 

When Doink scoops up Jannetty near the ropes, Marty counters with a Maneuver (#10), body-pressing the clown over the ropes. the two exchange punches outside the ring and Marty scores what Vince calls a Beautiful Maneuver (#11 - atomic drop) despite it consisting of slamming a clown's butt onto Jannetty's knee. the former champ hits a  crescent kick, but the referee has by now counted to ten, ending the match. Jannetty hits another Maneuver (#12 - huricanrana takedown) after the bell. Despite the ref's pleas to stop the match, Jannetty runs off the apron and hits Doink with an unprecedented 13th Maneuver, a flying body press. Officials pull the two apart as the ring announcer gives the referee's decision, a double-countout. Not only has this match shattered the Raw record for most Maneuvers in a match, it has single-handedly broken the Maneuver-per-episode record, as well. Imagine how many Maneuvers might have been executed if Skinner-Doink had come out from under the ring.


Pictured (left to right): Owen Hart, rear end.
Tonight's Raw is uncooked, uncensored, it's a little-bitty bikini! Heenan's courtship of Raw girl/attorney Themis Klarides continues with more whistling. Vince and Macho warn him that she's an attorney and can sue him for sexual harassment. From then on, no woman would ever be put in revealing clothing to be ogled by the viewers and objectified by the announcers on Raw. In a commercial for the encore presentation of KOTR, Vince describes Hogan as "an American hero" who fell to a "Japanese bohemoth [sic]." Speaking of King of the Ring, King Bret Hart's brother and the next King of the Ring winner Owen Hart enters to the ring in checkered genie pants more fitting of Bob "Spark Plug" Holly than the Rocket. He takes on enhancement talent and legendary Banzai Drop-taker, Dan Dubiel
The match starts off with an endless series of hammerlocks, ending only when Dubiel gets his feet in the ropes. Owen follows this up with an arm drag and some of those knife-edge chops that his brother hates so much. The 123 Kid is on the phone from Osaka, Japan. The Kid, who sounds like Napoleon Dynamite, says that Yokozuna's title win is headline news in Japan. Vince informs the Kid of Razor's $10,000 challenge. The Kid accepts the challenge after some hesitation. Vince wishes the Kid luck and hopes he gets some "wins under [his] belt" (He must have meant, "more wins under your championship title"). The call ends just in time for Owen Hart to score a pinfall with a Maneuver (#14), a bridging northern lights suplex. This Saturday on WWF Mania, Owen is set to take on "newcomer" Bastion Booger, who had wrestled on house shows as "the Mad Monk" before appearing at one Raw taping as Friar Ferguson. We go to commercial with a graphic depicting a slab of uncooked beef emblazoned with the "RAW" logo, a graphic we have seen only once on the first Raw in Poughkeepsie back in March.

Lawler last week, before the KOTR pay-per-view.
Vlad the Superfan doesn't like the King's robe, either.

Themis Klarides, who seems to be the only Raw girl on duty tonight, is back in the ring with another outfit. Jerry Lawler comes down to the ring in a pink and black robe, which Macho Man points out are the colors of Bret "The HItman" Hart, whom Lawler attacked last night. The wardrobe choice is very prescient of Lawler, considering that this match took place six days before Hart won the tournament. Lawler takes on Mark Thomas, who in his first appearance was called "Art Thomas" by the graphics and was the victim of a "Marlo Thomas" joke by Rob Bartlett, and who two weeks ago was simply referred to as "Thomas" by Vince McMahon, who clearly did not remember his real name. Lawler demands respect from the crowd and commands them to get down on their knees and kiss his feet. Vince says disgustedly, "This guy actually wants people to kiss his feet!" This is eight years before he started his own "Kiss My Ass" Club. Bobby Heenan walks off in protest of the fans' disrespect as The King tears up a fan's "Burger Kring Cown," as Vince McMahon calls it. Lawler is "in the danger zone," says Macho, for ruining Bret Hart's coronation and wearing pink and black tonight (which is exactly what he wore last week on the King's Court). Vince says that Lawler will no doubt have a date with Bret Hart sooner or later. I doubt that; Bret Hart is waaaay too old for a date with Lawler. Heenan returns and tells the other announcers what Mr. Fuji just told him: that Fuji will hold a contest for all American athletes on July 4th to try to slam Yokozuna. Lawler gets the piledriver on Mark/Art Thomas for the victory, and we get a shot of the same surfer dude and ring rat from last week.

During the commercial break, we see a Butterfinger commercial starring Bart Simpson which would be loosely adapted into the episode "Grade School Confidential" in 1997. We also see a commercial for the USA drama "Silk Stalkings," which would air at 10 PM Mondays in 1995, when I first started watching Raw.


Vince tells us of the upcoming Raw in the Bizarro World, Poughkeepsie, New York, which will feature a 2/3 falls match between Marty Jannetty and, according to the graphic, Doink with an afro. The same episode will feature the $10,000 re-match between the Kid and Razor Ramon. That's it for this most devastating Raw yet.


Final Tally:

1 Uncut, uncensored, uncooked (Cumulative Total: 33)
14 Maneuvers (Cumulative Total: 122 +2 lost Maneuvers from episode 1= 124)


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. I could never figure out if L. A. Gore was supposed to be a rib on Al Gore, or LA Gear sneakers. Probably neither.

  3. I'm loving reading these reviews as I'm watching all the old RAWs on the WWE Network. I'd never noticed all the McMahon-isms before but now I can't help but hear them. Great job.

  4. Interestingly, when Heenan is talking about Mr Fuji's challenge after his walkout, you can clearly see his chair is still empty.