Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Raw #31 - September 13th, 1993

Tonight's Raw, number thirty-one, is the first after Summerslam 1993, which saw Lex Luger fulfill his two-months-long dream of beating Yokozuna (except for the part about winning the title). The show opens with Vince McMahon explaining the rules to tonight's tag team title match. The Steiners will defend against the Quebecers, a team only even mentioned once before on Raw, under Province of Quebec Rules. Under these stipulations, the titles can change hands on disqualification or countout, and disqualifications can be brought on by top rope moves, piledrivers, and throwing your opponent over the top rope. Why the Steiners would agree to these rules, I have no idea. It's not like the Quebecers were even anywhere near the front of the line for the tag titles.

The Quebecers' theme music is sung by the wrestlers themselves. I must admit, it's no "All-American Boys." The match nearly ends mere seconds after the bell when Rick tries to clothesline Jacques over the tope rope. Fortunately, the Mountie can't make it over, so he falls forward and rolls under the ropes. The Steiners dominate the Quebecers in the early going before Pierre hits a clothesline from the second rope (which is legal). The Steiners shift the momentum back in their favor, leading Rick to attempt an illegal piledriver (a move I've never seen him do) before Scott waves it off.

When Raw returns from break, Rick Steiner hits a succession of Maneuvers, jumping over Pierre's shoulder for a Nice Maneuver (#1) and then letting Pierre's momentum run him through the ropes to the outside with a Clever Maneuver (#2). Later, Scott takes down the nearly-three hundred pound Quebecer with an overhead belly-to-belly suplex. Johnny Polo shows up at ringside with a hockey stick, distracting Rick, who attempts a very strange move off the second rope wherein he seems to deliberately land stomach-first on Pierre's knee. Pierre then tries to superplex Rick, who counters with a front suplex off the second rope, an Unbelievable Maneuver (#3). He then tries to pin his opponent before Jacques tries to break up the cover. Rick moves out of the way, leaving Jacques to elbow his own partner. The Quebecers form a huddle with their new manager on the outside.

Snuffleupagus hates the Quebecers.
After the break, the challengers are in control, using double-team moves on Scott Steiner, including a Devastating Maneuver (#4) consisting of a Jacques STO and a Pierre clothesline. The challengers keep Scott in their corner. Heenan says that the Quebecers have the rules in their favor (which is certainly true, given that they can win the titles on DQ or countout), but McMahon for some reason disagrees. Did Bobby and Vince accidentally swap scripts? Scott hits a Maneuver (#5) to escape the corner and attempt a tag to Rick. Pierre steps in and tries to knock Rick off the apron to prevent a tag. Jacques hits an Alabama slam on Scott, then tries turning him over into a Boston crab. When Scott resists, Pierre hits a leg drop from the second rope for a Devastating Maneuver (#6). Jacques then turns him over successfully, but Rick Steiner jumps into the ring to clean house. Scott clotheslines both of the Quebecers, allowing him to get the hot tag to brother Rick. Johnny Polo climbs onto the apron with his hockey stick, but it is taken from him by Rick. Jacques grabs the stick, but Scott takes it from him and whacks him over the back with it in full view of the referee, drawing the disqualification. According to Quebec rules, the Quebecers are the new tag team champions.

A new Raw girl is in the ring as Mr. Perfect, who at Summerslam lost by countout to Shawn Michaels, enters. His opponent is Tony DeVito, who steps out of the ring early on to gloat after getting in a few punches. Perfect chases after DeVito, who tries to flee to the back, but Perfect hauls him back into the ring. A "Perfect sucks" chant breaks out, joined by Vladimir the Superfan. I'm surprised at you, Vlad. Vince celebrates the recent Israeli-Palestinian peace accord. Keep in mind that this is the same man who knew for sure that Lex Luger would win the WWF title at Summerslam. A "We Want Shawn" chant breaks out among the same fans who were booing Mr. Perfect. Hennig wins with the Perfectplex.

Vladimir wants Shawn.
Rick seems naked here. Not as naked as Tatanka,
but figuratively naked.
 Vince calls Lex's win at Summerslam "the biggest bittersweet victory of all time" and shows video from backstage after the match in which "Ludvig Booger" confronted the American Original.  Borga's intrusion into the locker room comes when Tatanka is in a towel and Rick Steiner doesn't have his earmuffs on. Ludvig tells Luger that he's not impressed with him or his country, and that he will break his back (and make him humble) if they ever face off in the ring.

Want to know what Tatanka is doing on this night? Here are two hints:

Mang, the chicas... they're for fun.

Who could it be?
Razor Ramon checks out Themis Klarides before stepping into the ring with Duane "The Executioner" Gill. Vince mentions the hit movie, The Fugitive, wherein the wrongfully-convicted Richard Kimble tracks down a one-armed man. Kimble had much better luck that John Laurinaitis would in finding a one-legged wrestler. According to Vince, The Executioner will be a guest on Late Night with Conan O'Brien tonight (which is the show's first episode). I have no idea what this is supposed to mean. Vince hints at a future Razor Ramon match with IRS, who will be in action next week. Razor wins after a belly-to-back superplex. After the match, he puts the Executioner in the Razor's Edge.

Next, we see a commercial featuring an unattractive, fattish man and his hot wife (a la Married with Children, The Simpsons, Family Guy, The King of Queens, etc.). They are in bed, and she tells him it's only nine o'clock. The man decides it's time to get raw. No, not that raw. Monday Night Raw. His wife is disappointed.

The Mountie always gets his man.
Vince brings out the new tag team champions, The Quebecers, with Johnny Polo. Polo claims that they're celebrating in the back with champagne and women (a celebration that, according to legend, Jacques would not enjoy). Jacques kisses everyone in sight, then huddles with his partner and his manager to come to a decision on a rematch. Polo declares that if one of the Steiners can beat one of the Quebecers, they can get a title shot. The Steiners try to enter the ring but are held off by referees. The singles match will take place next week, with Pierre vs. one of the Steiners.

Some footage of the Macho Man and the Brain at the Jerry Lewis MDA telethon airs. Rich Myers takes on Doink the Clown, who comes to the ring with two buckers. He throws both of them into the crowd, but both are filled with confetti. Rich Myers gets the jump on Doink from behind. However, the clown quickly takes control as Vince flubs his lines promoting the season premiere of Silk Stalkings. Crush gets on the phone to Vince and says that he will return better than ever to the WWF. Macho tells Chaka Bra that he's looking forward to his return, but the call ends abruptly after Crush acknowledges Savage, apparently due to technical error. Or is it? Doink wins with the cannonball, then gets a bucket from under the ring. Bobby Heenan tells Heenan to dump the bucket on Vince or Randy. Instead, the clown teases throwing the water at Heenan, then turns around, only to soak the Brain anyway. This is the beginning of the unfortunate face turn of Doink. Vince calls Heenan a "drowned weasel,' which has got to be some kind of slang for genitalia. 

Doink comes back down to ringside after the break and finds another bucket under the ring. He keeps the remaining two announcers at bay with the bucket, but then empties the confetti into the audience, slipping a little on a ringside puddle. After a Gorilla Monsoon voice-over promo for the new WWF King of the Ring game from Acclaim (which sucks), we return with a rundown of next week's card, featuring Bam Bam, Mr. Perfect, and IRS, all of whom will be "in action," along with an interview with Bret Hart. Pierre vs. Scott Steiner will also happen tomorrow with a tag team title match on the line.

Be Bret Hart! If Bret could only do punches and kicks!

Final tally:

6 Maneuvers (Cumulative total: 197)


  1. Love your write-ups, but you lost me a bit with your mention of "Married with Children". Al Bundy was never supposed to be "unattractive" and certainly not "fattish", and Peg was definitely not supposed to be "hot".

    1. Maybe I was thinking of this:

    2. "Peg was definitely not supposed to be 'hot'."

      You, sir, are crazy.