Monday, September 3, 2012

Raw #19 - May 31st, 1993

The nineteenth episode of Raw is live once again after a taped edition last week. Marty Jannetty will be defending his title tonight a mere two weeks after winning it. Likewise, Hulk Hogan will defend his title at King of the Ring a mere two months after winning it.

The Beast from the East walks to the ring with Luna Vachon, prompting Macho Man to wonder, "Which one is the beast?" Sherri pulls Luna Vachon into the ring, but Bam Bam pulls out his future main squeeze to break up the catfight. Bam Bam whips Marty into the ropes and shoulderblocks him, sending Jannetty flipping to the ground. He continues the Irish whips and clotheslines until Jannetty ducks and fights back with strikes and a chop from the top rope that would have been called a tomahawk chop had Tatanka done it. Bam Bam appears to catch Jannetty with a back body drop, but Jannetty lands on his feet with a Maneuver (#1). Sensational Athletic Maneuver (#2) or not, Bigelow still locks a bear hug on him. Bigelow puts Marty in the corner, but Jannetty counters with what looks like a botched head scissors or victory roll and appears to land on his head. Jannetty recovers to hit another Maneuver (#3 - flying head scissors) to take down the big man. Bam Bam counters another Jannetty head scissor attempt with a Maneuver (#4) of his own, slamming down his opponent with an electric chair.

Bigelow took the commercial break as an opportunity for a rest hold, keeping Marty in a chinlock. Bobby Heenan says that he'd never defend a title of his on Monday Night Raw (yet he is not a Hulk Hogan fan). Bigelow looks to get the pinfall, but the Intercontinental champion gets his foot on the rope. Thus far, Sherri and Luna have not played a role in this contest. The Beast from the East whips Marty into the ropes, but telegraphs a back body drop, letting the champion counter with a Maneuver (#5) to slam his head to the canvas. Bigelow overcomes the temporary setback and pantomimes slitting his throat to signal the end of the match. He takes Jannetty down with a double underhook backbreaker, but then runs against the ropes, where his foot is caught by Sherri. The temporary distraction allows Marty to hit a Maneuver (#6), shoving the big man to the outside, which he follows up with another Maneuver (#7), a baseball slide that sends the challenger into the guardrail. The champion presses his luck and mounts the top tope to bodypress Bam Bam onto the arena floor. Bigelow gets back to his feet, though, and pummels Jannetty, throwing him back into the ring. A distraction by Sherri keeps Bigelow outside the ring long enough to be counted out, giving the match to Jannetty. Bigelow exacts revenge on the champion with a scoop slam and a senton splash after the bell.

After the break, Sherri grabs the mic and challenges Luna right then and now. Mike Chioda blocks Luna from entering the ring, but Sherri jumps on Luna from behind and bodyslams her to the floor. Sherri re-enters the ring but gets restrained by Bam Bam, allowing Luna to bust open Sherri's chin and strip off her blouse (Sherri's blouse, not Luna's). Before the assault can go any further, A man in jeans comes to the ring and fights off Bam Bam. It's the Native American Tatanka, who is hard to recognize with pants on. He takes the opportunity to cop a feel on Sherri before the commercial break.

Tatanka stands guard over Sherri's teepees.

The Steiner Brothers take on Rich Myers and The Executioner (Duane Gill). Rick Steiner tosses the Executioner around before throwing him to his own corner to allow a tag. Rick and Scott practice their suplexes on the jobber. Next week, one of the Steiners will team up with one of the Gunns to take on a member each of the Headshrinkers and Money Inc. With the Steiners in action, this match has potential for a high number of Devastating Maneuvers (#8), such as Scott's pumphandle slam to Myers. After reminding Bobby Heenan that no one in the WWF is a "ham and egger," citing the Kid's victory two weeks before, Vince McMahon takes this squash match as an opportunity to plug USA's Wednesday night movie, Arthur, starring Dudley Moore and Liza Minnelli. Scott Steiner kills Rich Myers with the Steiner Screwdriver for a huge pop (from the crowd and from Myers's neck). "What a Maneuver [#9] on the part of the Steiner Brothers!" says Vince as the Michigan All-Americans prepare for Rick's top rope electric chair bulldog, another Devastating Maneuver (#10). McMahon calls the WWF the "highest form of athleticism in all of sports-entertainment." Take that, Harlem Globetrotters! Scott gets the pin to end this one. We see a replay of the Devastating Maneuver (#11), which breaks the Raw record for most Maneuvers in a single show. 

Todd Pettengill bears a strange resemblance to Marc Mues.

Mr. Hughes takes on Bert Centeno, a fairly large jobber who has to be paired up with Mr. Hughes to look small in comparison. Another "Mr. Hughes, shine my shoes!" chant breaks out. Bobby Heenan refers to a recent speech by "Billy the Brain" Clinton. Hughes keeps lifting up his opponent from the ground before a three-count can be made, drawing the ire of the crowd, which just wants the match to end. Hughes's King of the Ring opponent, Mr. Perfect, will be playing golf this weekend with future Razor Ramon bodyguard Walter Payton and future WWE Hall of Famer William "Refrigerator" Perry. Heath Slater's future trainer finishes off Centeno with a chokeslam.

To take all this crap, you've gotta want it.
The King of the Ring Report is sponsored by ICO-PRO, which Mean Gene claims is "more than simple pills and powders" while showing a large stack of pills and powders labeled "ICO-PRO". We see the complete bracket for the KOTR tournament, in which Bret Hart is seeded #1, which not only means that Razor Ramon is seeded #8, but that Mr. Hughes is ranked #5. Mr Hughes: better than Razor Ramon.


The good guys are in white, the bad guys in black.
Maybe Michael Hayes did the graphics.

Hacksaw Jim Duggan takes on an enhancement talent with a better physique. Duggan pretends his 2x4 is a gun and shoots Thomas, who doesn't even get a first name (or is it last name?), only to be attacked from behind as he put his gun/block of wood away. Hacksaw fights back with scoop slams and a knee to the "chest area." Lots of "Hooo!" and "USA!" chants ensue. Howard Finkel, says Vince, is not here tonight due to surgery, which Heenan speculates is a sex-change operation. Duggan wins after a clothesline, then leads the audience in the Pledge of Allegiance in honor of Memorial Day.

This clearly accidental camera shot only lasted about ten seconds.
"You mean people in 2012 will plunk down $29.99
for pre-faded reproductions of this shirt?

Vince recaps the Kid/Razor Ramon feud, which saw the Kid upset Ramon, who then offered him $2500 and later $5000 for a return match. The Kid rejects the offer in a pre-recorded video. Razor Ramon steps into the ring with a man from Quebec City named Tony Roy. Since he's French Canadian, do you think it's pronounced, "Roo-WAH"? Macho Man leads the audience in a 1-2-3 chant as the match begins. With Razor Ramon distracted, Roy rolls him up with a schoolboy and an unforgettable victory which launches Tony Roy into superstardom and many Federation title reigns. Oops, no. Razor kicks out. He follows up the kick-out with a Maneuver (#12 - fallaway slam). After slapping around Roy, Razor gets distracted once more by a 1-2-3 chant, leaving him vulnerable to another Roy schoolboy for the amazing upset! No, wait, another false alarm. Ramon kicks out and slaps an abdominal stretch on Roy. "We want the Kid" chants the audience, foreshadowing the Eddie Guerrero/Rey Misterio custody battle storyline (What, did you think I was going to make a Rob Feinstein joke?). Razor folds up Roy like an accordion with the Razor's Edge, landing him his first win since Raw #13 (lol ill pretend u said 18).

Yokozuna comes down to the ring with Mr. Fuji, who is waving a Japanese flag as usual. Vince McMahon is furious, asking him how he dares wave a non-American flag on Memorial Day. Hey, it's only been 48 years  since the end of the war. Fuji says that he and Yokozuna will celebrate Memorial Day on June 13th. Vince reminds him that that is the date of Yoko's match with HULK HOGAN, which surprisingly inspires a lot of boos from the audience. An audible "Hogan sucks!" chant breaks out as Yokozuna takes the mic and says, in English, "Hulkamania will die!" Vince suggests that when Yoko and Fuji show up as guests on the King's Court next week, he wouldn't be surprised if Hulk Hogan showed up, which, in addition to being a total lie, draws more boos from the audience. Actually, Vince makes a bit of a Freudian slip, saying, "It wouldn't surprise me if Hulk Hogan doesn't show up next week!" Hacksaw makes the save before Yoko can turn face, waving Old Glory in the balcony to chants of "USA" to close the show.

Final Tally:

0 uncut, uncensored, uncookeds (Cumulative total: 31)
12 Maneuvers (Cumulative total: 97)

1 comment:

  1. I do find it hilarious when Yokozuna speaks and the only smudge of Japanese he knows is 'Banzai!"