Thursday, November 15, 2012

Raw #51 - February 7th, 1994

We start off the fifty-first episode of Raw with a recap of last week's events, which set up tonight's main event of Marty Jannetty vs. IRS. Joining Vince McMahon tonight is... Bastion Booger? I did not see this coming. Booger says he has some gas for Sparky Plugg, who makes his Raw debut tonight, and that, like "The Rocket" Owen Hart, he feels like he's ready to blast off. It looks like this week's theme is "fart jokes."
The Smoking Gunns take on the sequined duo of Reno Riggins and Barry Horowitz. The jobber team double-teams Billy early on, who then tags in Bart to even the score. Bastion Booger shares his plans to eat Punxsutawney Phil and declares his love for barbecue. JR announced Raw two weeks ago, by the way. The Gunns put the scrubs away with a combination over-the-shoulder backbreaker and bodypress, with Billy pinning Reno.
Next, we see still photos from the recent Royal Rumble pay-per-view, where Owen lashed out at Bret. On All-American Wrestling, Owen told Bret that it felt good to kick Bret's leg out of his leg after a lifetime of frustration. Bret said it's time for he and Owen to settle their differences at Wrestlemania. Vince says that up next in action is Kane, by which he means Owen Hart. Actually, he is referring to Cain, as in "Cain and Abel." Only Glen Jacobs has portrayed Kane (except Luke Gallows and The Undertaker).

Owen Hart comes to the ring, saying something unintellgible to the camera, to take on His Holiness, John Paul. Bastion praises Owen's new attitude. Owen then takes off his sunglasses and tears them up in front of a fan. The Bushkill fans chant "We want Bret," while Bastion Booger reminds Vince that he wants four or five large pizzas, per their pre-Raw agreement. Booger says he can't trust anyone like John Paul with two first names. Good thing he doesn't show up on WWE TV anymore, lest he start fights with Daniel Bryan, Justin Gabriel, Mason Ryan, Johnny Curtis, and Mark Henry. Bastion also says that "Boogermania is running wild." By now, of course, Hulk Hogan's WWF contract has expired. Vince then mentions Ted Turner, asking if he and Booger use the Jane Fonda fitness program. John Paul mounts a comeback of sorts after being dominated by Owen, but Hart wins with a sharpshooter.
IRS asks why the Poconos region has more tax cheats per capita than anywhere else in Pennsylvania. Marty Jannetty then comes to the ring for his last televised match for a year and a half. IRS stalls outside the ring for some time after a flurry of Jannetty offense, while Vince McMahon requests napkins for Mr. Booger. After exchanging holds in the ring, Marty throws IRS to the outside, only to be thrown into the ring post. Jannetty tries a sunset flip into the ring on IRS, but the tax man kicks out of that Maneuver (#1). The Quebecers come to ringside as Raw goes to break.

When Raw returns, the Quebecers have already been thrown out of the ringside area by a second referee after kicking Jannetty on the outside. Back to "live" action, with Jannetty on the mat, IRS tries an axe-handle for some reason, which is countered with a Nice Maneuver (#2 - two boots to the face) by Marty. A small package by the Rocker gets only a two count. IRS puts Marty in an abdominal stretch, using the ropes for leverage, but Jannetty escapes. Vince praises the stamina of Marty Jannetty, having withstood "just about everything that could happen to anyone" (including three, soon to be four, firings). Johnny Polo then comes to ring with a pool cue, only to be followed by Razor Ramon. The Quebecers return to confront Razor, distracting him while Polo pushes Jannetty over the ropes into the ring to be pinned by IRS. Razor storms the ring to take out IRS, then take on the Quebecers along with Marty Jannetty. Razor then hits the Razor's Edge on Jacques, who gets collected by Pierre and Polo.
Vince tells us that Razor and Marty have demanded of Jack Tunney a tag team title match in two weeks against the Quebecers. Vince then reminds us that next week, Raw will be pre-empted by the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show, then shows a graphic that I can assure you is real.

Sparky Plugg then races to the ring (get it?) to face future JOB Squad teammate Duane Gill. Bastion Booger starts to choke on his food, leading Vince to exclaim that we might see our first fatality on Raw. He would probably be less excited when Jerry Lawler would actually have a heart attack on the air in September 2012. Speaking of fatalities, says Vince, an all-new episode of Silk Stalkings follows tonight's Raw. Plugg finishes Gill off with a top-rope knee drop he calls "The Overhead Cam." Say what you will about that name, but it's still better than the "Holly-caust."
The Toddster gives us the Wrestlemania Report, showing off his jacket yet again. He is excited about the even that is ten years in the making, proving that no one in the WWF or WWE has ever been good with math, given that Wrestlemania I was in 1985. That's nine years, Todd. A video of JIm Cornette airs, wherein he repeats the lie about this being the first Wrestlemania with two WWF title matches. Todd then announces a falls-count-anywhere match between Randy Savage and Crush. In this match, the loser of the fall must return to the ring within sixty seconds or else lose the match, meaning that this is, in effect, a falls-count-anywhere-except-in-the-ring match. The two will got lots of practice on the house show circuit, wrestling this same type of match nine times before Wrestlemania.
Crush takes on a jobber named James Thornberg while Vince suggests that Bastion Booger negotiate a contract with Fox, the network having offered Diane Sawyer $10 million. While Vince talks about Randy Savage being "bad-to-the-bone radical as it relates to drugs" (and not taking them, I can only assume he means), Crush defeats Thornberg with a press slam and a leg drop.
Vince gets the Quebecers on a split screen, where they and Johnny Polo are irate over Jack Tunney's decision to grant Marty Jannetty and Razor Ramon a tag team title match. Don't worry, Marty will be fired by then.

Vince then hypes up the next episode of Raw, in two weeks, in which Bret Hart takes on one of the Heavenly Bodies (Which one will it be? The suspense is killing me) and a tag team title match that won't happen as advertised because it's February, which is Jannetty-firing season in the WWF. Booger then samples some of the dog food offered to him by the Raw crew. We close with a strange video clip of Wrestlecrap All-Stars the Bushwhackers, Men on a Mission, Doink, and Dink barking like dogs.

Final Tally:

2 Maneuvers (year total: 21)

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