Sunday, November 18, 2012

Raw #53 - February 28th, 1994

Tonight's Raw comes to you taped from Bushkill, Pennsylvania for its first-ever out-of-sequence episode, shot one month ago. The "Hall of Fame-bound" Randy Savage comes to the ring first to take on Yokozuna for the WWF title. Harvey Wippleman is on commentary tonight. Vince McMahon notes Yokozuna's hesitation to enter the ring, possibly as a psychological ploy against the Macho Man, who, according to McMahon, "does not like to wait for anything." A lesser blogger would suggest that Vince is referring to his daughter Stephanie's eighteenth birthday.

Savage attacks the champion from behind while he is taking off his robe. Savage hits a series of clotheslines, knocking down the champion after the third one. Yoko then shifts the momentum, chopping and stomping down the Macho Man. Wippleman defends Yoko's aggression against Randy in the corner, given Savage's attack before the bell. It's tit for tat, says Harvey. I understand the first part, regarding Yokozuna, but as far as the Macho Man, I don't think he has any tats. Wippleman then criticizes Fuji and Cornette for signing such a match. This advice comes from the manager of Well Dunn and Kwang. Savage hits a knee to Yoko's back(side), driving him out of the ring through the ropes. Macho then hits an axe-handle off the top rope to the floor as Jim Cornette comes to the ring.
After the break, Macho Man continues to try to push Yokozuna into the ring, as he has been doing throughout the break. This makes Savage infinitely smarter than Lex Luger, who let the big man get counted out and keep his title at Summerslam. Cornette hits Savage from behind as a distraction, allowing the 600-pound champion to ram Savage into the steps and roll him into the ring. Champion and challenger get into a slugfest, with Savage dazing Yokozuna in a manner reminiscent of the 16-bit wrestling video games. Randy then climbs the top rope for a High-Risk Maneuver (#1 - axe handle) that fails to topple the big Samoan. A body pres from the opposite turnbuckle scores a two-count for the two-time former champion. A savate kick puts Randy to the ground, where he scores another near-fall from behind with a schoolboy roll-up. Yoko hits a headbutt to the groin in retaliation.

He then charges Savage in the corner, splashing him. Vince praises Randy for a gallant effort, signaling the end of the match, but Yokozuna pulls Macho out of the corner for a leg drop that misses. Cornette then grabs the official as Fuji hands a salt bucket to the champion. Randy takes the bucket away and hits his opponent with it, knocking him to the mat. After an eternity on the mat, Savage rises up to score a near-fall on the champion. Following a top rope elbow by Savage, the champion looks to be on the losing end, but Crush rushes to the ring to break up the three-count and draw a disqualification. Bret Hart runs to the ring to even the odds, only to be beaten down by Crush and Yoko in the "mee-lay" that ensues. Lex Luger then runs in and does what he does best, which is knock Yokozuna to the outside. The faces clear the ring as Savage is declared the winner by DQ. Vince compares Crush's "robbery" of Savage to figure skater Nancy Kerrigan being "robbed" by Oksana Baiul. Perhaps Vince's hatred for the Ukrainian Olympian has carried over into the present with his naming of the conniving Diva Aksana.

We see a replay of the previous match's finish to fill time and allow Vince to compare Savage to Dan Jansen of the U.S. Olympic team. Bam Bam arrives with Luna (wearing a crossed-out Doink shirt) to face Mike Khoury (whom Vince calls "Mike Curry"). Bigelow beats him with an enziguiri dedicated to Doink for the win.
Earthquake comes out for his second match of the taping to take on the masked Black Phantom, played by the future Mr. Luna Vachon, David "Gangrel" Heath. Vince announces that Ludvig Borga is still injured and will be replaced by Harvey Wippleman's Adam Bomb in his Wrestlemania match against Earthquake.
Stan Lane pops into Shawn Michael's dressing room while the Heartbreak Kid is in towels. Hey, you can trust a guy like Sweet Stan to conduct a semi-nude interview, right? Diesel disagrees, pushing Lane out until Shawn is dressed. Two seconds later, Shawn is ready, having put on sunglasses and his version of the Intercontinental belt over his towel. Stan asks questions that seem to have been added in post-production while old match footage is shown on screen. Shawn vows to prove he is the undisputed IC champion at Wrestlemania and will give Razor's belt to Diesel after he wins. This Raw has more filler than the dog food Bastion Booger ate three weeks ago.
Men on a Mission impress the Bushkill crowd with this new "rap" music. Their opponents are the Brooklyn Brawler and Steve Smith. The Brawler tries and fails to take down Mabel with a sunset flip, drawing Smith into the ring for a failed dropkick. Smith is then back body-dropped onto his partner. MOM hang Smith from the tree of woe, with Mabel landing a corner splash, followed by a double-team splash to put away Smith. Men on Mission, having beaten two scrubs tonight and having nearly beaten the Headshrinkers a few weeks back, are the most deserving number one contenders since Barry Horowitz and Reno Riggins.

Next week Raw will have a report on Undertaker sightings, as well as matches between Jeff Jarrett and Virgil (Wrestling Superstar), as well as the team of Owen Hart & Crush vs. the Smoking Gunns. Tatanka will be part of a special presentation by the Lumbee tribe, but it's the same night that IRS will be in action. I have a bad feeling about this.

Final tally:

1 Maneuver (Year total: 26)

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