Saturday, November 3, 2012

Raw #47 - January 10th, 1994

Monday Night Raw celebrates its first anniversary tonight, and what better place to do so than in Richmond, Virginia? Footage airs from last week of Marty Jannetty and the 123 Kid getting in Johnny Polo's face and getting a tag team title match. Tonight, the Quebecers defend against Marty Confetti and the Poster Boy for Pampers (Polo's words, not mine). The Macho Man's theme music plays, heralding the return of Randy Savage to the announce table.

Jannetty starts out in the ring against Jacques. He gets off to a quick start, performing a Maneuver (#1 - victory roll) on the Mountie for a near-fall. Jacques then charges into the corner at Marty, who counters with yet another Maneuver (#2 - sunset flip) for another two-count. The Quebecers hug in their corner as both legal men tag in their partners. The Kid nearly pins Pierre after a spinning heel kick. With Pierre in a headlock, Jacques runs in to break the hold. With all four men in the ring, the Quebecers get rammed into each other and retreat to the outside. Marty tags in and back out to double-team the future Jean-Pierre LaFitte. Savage says that the challengers are "doing the sensational" (which is what the Macho King was doing when he was paired up with Queen Sherri). The Quebecers can't get any offense in, leading Jacques to cower between Pierre's legs as we go to break.
During the break, Marty Jannetty had nearly won the match with a Maneuver (#3 - savate kick) on   Jacques, scoring a three-count with his opponent's foot on the rope. The referee then restarted the match, marking the second time that Jannetty has won the tag titles but then had the victory nullified. The challenging team keeps bringing the fight to the champions, with the Kid executing a somersault from the top rope onto Pierre on the arena floor. A distracted referee allows the Quebecers to double-team the Kid and take back the advantage.
The Quebecers, who will face the Hart brothers at the Royal Rumble, maintain the advantage throughout the commercial break. Vince declares the 123 Kid and Marty Jannetty's effort "gallant," but resigns himself to a loss for the challenging team. The Kid kicks out of a Jacques pin attempt. Jacques then hits the Kid with a piledriver, followed by a double-team in which Pierre hits a senton on the Kid. Instead of pinning the Kid, the Quebecers try the double-team again, but Jannetty breaks it up, then gets a hot tag from the Kid. With Jacques out of the ring and Johnny Polo knocked off the apron, Jannetty picks up Pierre in a suplex and allows the Kid to body press him from the top rope for the pinfall and the tag team titles. Randy Savage jumps into the ring to make the victory celebration a little more macho. The victorious team exits through the crowd and holds up their belts.
Vince shows us a flashback to the 123 Kid's upset victory over Razor Ramon back in May, proving that it's never too soon for nostalgia. The Royal Rumble report is brought to us by Jim Ross, filling in for a snowed-in Todd Pettengill. No one complains. JR runs down the list of 30 participants, including Bastion Booger (who will back out of the match due to indigestion, much like Kevin Nash, but kayfabe), Ludvig Borga (who will back out due to a broken ankle), Greg Valentine (who was last seen as one of Shawn Michaels's knights at Survivor Series and who later this year would wrestle for the AWF, which I recently covered in my first ever Wrestlecrap induction), and Kamala (who will be replaced and never be seen again for seven years). Other notable entrants are Lex Luger, who has been allowed into the Rumble thanks to the overwhelming influx of $0.99 calls to the WWF Hotline by gullible fans, as well as Mr. Fuji's mercenaries, (Genichiro) Tenryu and the Great Kabuki. Ross calls the IC title match between Razor and IRS a "head-knocker," rather than a slobberknocker. I guess he doesn't want to oversell it.
The Heckraiser from Hecksinki, Ludvig Borga, makes his last WWF TV appearance tonight, but not before a flashback to Tiny Tim on The King's Court. Jerry Lawler, as you will recall, has not been seen since November, when he was removed from the Federation pending his rape allegations. We cut to the Borga match, already in progress, as he clotheslines Brad Anderson. Anderson hits a series of clotheslines on Ludvig, but fails to knock him down, eating another Borga clothesline. Lex Luger gets on the phone and congratulates the 123 Kid and Marty Jannetty for their title win tonight. This is back when all of the faces were friends with each other. Otherwise, Luger says nothing of note other than that he hopes to win the Rumble match. Meanwhile, Borga makes Anderson submit to the torture rack in the Finn's last televised WWF match.

Our next flashback is to Doink the Clown's face turn, wherein he doused Bobby Heenan with water, then started to suck, then got replaced by Ray Apollo, adopted a midget, then really started to suck. Only the Heenan incident is shown, though. The Undertaker makes his way to ringside, prompting Vince to remind us that he has never lost a casket match (sporting an impressive 1-0 record). Long before people noticed that Taker had never lost at Wrestlemania, they noticed that he had never lost a casket match. Vince speculates about The Undertaker winning the title and facing potential Rumble winner Randy Savage at Mania. For now, Undertaker takes on Ray Hudson, who hopes to extend his own Raw undefeated streak to 1. Vince suggests that the Undertaker join President Clinton as a goodwill ambassador on his NATO tour, because he has nothing important to say. As the bell rings, Earl Hebner, who for some reason is holding the urn, gets scared by the Undertaker and tosses it back to Paul Bearer like a lateral in football. "He gives me the willies," says Savage, "but they're good willies." Vince talks about the Undertaker being John Madden's favorite wrestler and wonders if the football announcer will join the WWF. Randy Savage takes the opportunity to congratulate Raw on being, and I quote, "one years old today." By the way, there is a match going on in the ring. Undertaker catches Hudson with a goozle and chokeslams the jobber, then Tombstones him for the victory. 
Next, we get a flashback of Bastion Booger and Bam Bam's falling-out last week, then a Lord Alfred Hayes promo for the Macho Man-IRS match on next week's Raw. Macho Man claps his hands together like an alligator (or is that supposed to represent the referee's three-count?) as we get a shot of the Monday Night Raw anniversary cake. Next week's guest announcer will be Crush. Brudda, dat's gonna be brutal.
Bam Bam and Booger go at it, with Bam Bam taking a Flair flip over the turnbuckle and to the outside after trying to charge Booger in the corner. With Bigelow laid out on the outside, Luna starts blowing kisses to the Boogerman, leading Vince to speculate that after Lorena Bobbit's trial, Luna could be next. Is he suggesting that Luna will cut off Bam Bam's Bigelow? Alas, it's all a sham, as Bigelow attacks the distracted Mike Shaw from behind. Vince plugs the USA Friday Movie, Let it Ride, starring Richard Dreyfuss as Bam Bam botches a bodyslam, getting tipped over by the massive Booger. The next bodyslam is more successful, leading Bigelow to follow up with a headbutt off the top rope for the pinfall victory. Booger tries to get some sympathy from Luna, but gets slapped for his trouble.
Another Rage in the Cage commercial airs, narrated by Lord Alfred Hayes. The game would take advantage of the much larger CD format by including grainy video clips of the Superstars while not improving the graphics or the MIDI music in any way.

The Quebecers are standing by with Johnny Polo, who is sitting down and moping about the loss. Perhaps this is where the Raven character is born. Jacques says not to worry because of the rematch clause that Johnny Polo included in the contract. I guess this is back when the rematch clause was a convenient plot device rather than a hindrance to storylines. Nowadays, if you want to take the former champion out of contention, you have to have him lose an obligatory rematch the next night. The rematch will occur next Monday night at Madison Square Garden. Oh boy, what a Raw that will be! Except Raw's in Richmond again next week, pre-taped, and the MSG match will not be televised.
A flashback airs of Kamala chasing Kim Chee around the Manhattan Center. As our announcers sign off, IRS grabs Vince's microphone and cuts a promo on Savage, only for Randy to smash the Raw cake into Irwin's face. Has there ever been a cake in wrestling that hasn't been smashed into someone?

Final Tally:

3 Maneuvers (1994 total: 5)

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