WWF Raw - April 12th, 1999 - Joe Louis Arena - Detroit, MI
WWF Raw opens with a recap of last week’s show, including TitanTronGate (not to be confused with the imploding Titanic sub) and the sacrifice of Ryan Shamrock. This week, like last week, Vince McMahon assures his daughter that she will be safe backstage with the security guards. Undertaker will just have to sacrifice some other young woman tonight.
Vince accuses Shane of being on a power trip and opts to call it a night, announcing that he’s leaving with Stephanie. Shane slaps his father, and the two have a staredown. Stephanie, in tears, leads her dad away as her brother taunts them. “You’re not my father anymore”, says Shane. “You are simply known from now on as ‘Vince’”. If he really wanted to wind his dad up, he’d call him Vince Jr.
Ken Shamrock, fed up, quits this new version of the Corporation while JR laments Shane’s, and I quote, “total lack of disrespect”.
After the break, Vince thanks Ken Shamrock for his loyalty, then gets into his limo with Stephanie and the stooges. In the Corporation’s locker room, The Rock leaves to gets some fresh air (perhaps in the arena’s car hole) while Shane talks strategy with the rest of the group.
Sable, accompanied by Nicole Bass since the Amazon made her surprise appearance fifteen days ago, arrives to defend her WWF Women’s Title. Sable, in so many words, dedicates the match to the women who wish to emulate her, and to the men who attend WWF events to catch her appearances. It’s then time for The Grind.
Sable has three opponents tonight in a “four corners” match (even though only two corners will be occupied at any one time). Tori, Ivory, and Jacqueline each come to the ring, only to be woman-handled one by one by Nicole Bass before the bell even rings. As a result, the match is over before it even begins. You know what that means: another The Grind!
While Nicole taunts the other women, the lights go out. On the new TitanTron screen, the Undertaker shows up to taunt Vince McMahon and threaten another sacrifice of an innocent victim. Someone protect little Nicole Bass!
Steve Austin arrives at the arena with his bag and heads to ringside; WWF Raw returns with Stone Cold’s ring entrance. Austin vows to get his personal belt back at Backlash, then threatens special referee Shane McMahon if he doesn’t call the match down the middle. As for The Rock, Stone Cold calls him out and says he’ll wipe the whole damn arena with his stinkin’ ass (rather than vice versa).
Up pops The Rock on the TitanTron with Austin’s smoking skull belt. Rocky is standing at Roody Poo Bridge, on the corner of People’s Champ Boulevard and Candy Ass Lane, daring Austin to come hunt The Rock like the great “species” he is. With those shoddy directions, I doubt Stone Cold will ever find him. How could a bridge be on a street corner?
Austin says Rock is less the “super species” than the “super feces” and warns him to be careful on that bridge, as Rocky isn’t a floater.
Backstage, Mankind asks directions to the boiler room. The newly demoted Michael Cole reports that for Big Show’s protection, Mankind has vowed to stay in the boiler room for the next two weeks until Backlash, when he and Show face off in a boiler room brawl.
All three members of The Brood arrive, though it’s unclear who exactly is going to wrestle Big Show. Gangrel takes an extra long time drinking his red liquid before The Undertaker’s voice tells him and Edge to leave Christian by himself. Taker needs Christian to “pay penance” for his failures the last two weeks.
The two Brooders reluctantly vacate the premises, leaving Christian to wrestle Big Show at 9:40 PM in the first match of tonight’s WWF Raw. Christian evades Big Show for a few seconds before Show pins him with a choke slam. Bell to bell, a minute twenty-one (mostly stalling).
In the bowels of the arena, Michael Cole asks for Mankind’s thoughts on his upcoming, “broiler room” brawl. Does he mean the kitchen? In an unusual bit of continuity for a wrestling angle, Mankind still wants payback against Big Show despite his recent face turn.
Unimpressed with Mankind’s new boiler room residency, Shane McMahon tells his Mean Street Posse friends to beat up Mankind. When WWF Raw returns, Rodney and Pete Gas jog to the boiler room, past a bald stagehand who has wandered into the shot.
Billy Gunn, here to face Val Venis again, tells non-Red Wings fans to suck it. Likewise, Val compares the Big Valbowski to the nickname of Detroit’s NBA team. Venis busts Billy’s spine, then performs a gyrating arm wringer. Gunn himself gyrates over his opponent after DDTing Val Venis and making him go “limp”, in JR’s words.
Gunn whips Venis to the corner, but when he charges after him, Venis drops him headfirst into the top turnbuckle. Gunn appears to slip when trying to break his fall, then whips onto his back as his feet fall out from underneath him. Gunn kicks out at 2.99 from a double-underhook suplex, then splats on the arena floor when Val low-bridges him.
Things look grim for Mr. Ass when he’s saved by Owen Hart and Jeff Jarrett…. in a sense. By interfering in the match and double-teaming him, they trigger a disqualification and hand Gunn the victory. Just don’t read that last clause aloud on an airplane or any other high-security area.
Ticked at losing the match, Val Venis fights off Owen and Jeff. Road Dogg then joins in to send Owen and Jeff packing. Speaking of packing, Val Venis goes back in the ring, where he sets his sights on Debra; Jarrett pulls her away before their flirtation gets out of hand.
The Castrol GTX Slam of the Week is X-Pac’s X-Factor on Billy Gunn to retain his and Kane’s tag team titles last night on a live Heat. This was a Triple Threat tag team match pitting X-Pac & Kane against the New Age Outlaws and Jeff & Owen.
In the boiler room, the Posse’s enthusiasm does not translate into success, as Mankind beats both their asses thoroughly. The announcers hear mysterious whimpering and speculate as to its source.
Jeff Jarrett & Owen Hart are back to face the Acolytes in a heel vs. heel match. The Acolytes dish out punishment in the first minute before the rest of the Ministry joins in for the second consecutive DQ finish. With Debra in the Ministry’s custody, the Undertaker grabs her by the throat and tells her she’s his next sacrifice in the absence of Stephanie McMahon.
Before Taker can follow through, Ken Shamrock rushes in with a baseball bat and clears the ring except for Taker himself. Taker tells him not only that his sister Ryan (missing since last Monday) is in the boiler room, but that Viscera has taken certain liberties with her. In a rage, Ken hits Taker and a bunch of Ministry members with the bat, then runs up the ramp.
Meanwhile, The Rock waits over a river on Detroit’s famous Roody Poo Bridge, awaiting Stone Cold Steve Austin.
The Big Bossman now challenges for the Intercontinental title for just the second time since WrestleMania 7. But it’s not to be—just as Goldust takes off his wig, the Godfather’s music hits. The pimp daddy offers any of his hos to the Bossman, who bargains his way up to all five.
As Godfather escorts the Ho Train out of the ring, Goldust attacks him from behind. Jim Ross notes that both competitors are big guys, which becomes apparent when the two men struggle to lift each other. Ross isn’t sure, however, whether this impromptu match is for the Intercontinental title.
The announcers acknowledge an “interesting chant” from the WWF Raw audience (“Nitro sucks!”) before Godfather delivers the Ho Train (the wrestling move, not the entourage of hookers). Goldust however, soon drops Godfather to the arena floor and removes a turnbuckle pad while the referee isn’t looking. Curled up on the mat to play possum, Goldust surprises Godfather with a small package for a two-count. Given the revealing bodysuit he’s worn the past three and a half years, a small package *would* be a surprise.
Goldust then tries to bring Godfather to the corner, but Godfather slams the champ’s face into the exposed turnbuckle. After hitting a Death Valley driver (later dubbed the Pimp Drop), Godfather scores a pinfall on Goldust to win his first title. He then celebrates with the hos, whose quick return from their rendezvous reflects poorly on the Bossman’s love-making prowess (as Jerry Lawler implies).
Back in the boiler room, Ken Shamrock reunites with his sister, who was spotted by Mankind. But now they hear another noise!
A commercial for the platinum-selling WWF: The Music Volume 3 calls it “the best-selling sports-entertainment album ever”. Maybe so, but did it spawn a top-ten single like WrestleMania: The Album did in the UK?
Jim Ross replays Shane’s slap to Vince, which looks more effeminate the more we see it. Shane really should get Stephanie to coach him.
Back yet again in the boiler room, The Ministry beats up Ken Shamrock (and Mankind) while The Undertaker calls the shots. Paul Bearer then knocks out Ken with a chloroform-soaked rag while Ryan screams on. Taker calls her a derogatory name because of her untidiness.
WWF Raw returns with a Hardcore title match pitting D’Lo Brown (with Ivory) against Hardcore Holly. Al Snow is here as well to make sure Holly doesn’t lose the title, though Snow will challenge for the title regardless of the outcome. Holly takes a hockey stick out from under the ring, but the Red Wings sitting at ringside confiscate it from him. As D’Lo Brown fans they give the stick to D’Lo, who cracks it over Holly’s back.
While the two competitors whack each other with the remnants of the hockey stick, Al Snow makes a series of smell and prison jokes about Mankind, apropos of nothing, then hands Holly a glass of red liquid (perhaps some Brood surplus). Holly smashes the glass in D’Lo’s face for a two-count.
Holly retrieves and sets up a table but ends up lying on top of it. Al Snow prevents Brown from giving him the Lo Down and gets some chair shots to the shoulder and back for his trouble. When D’Lo finally attempts his frog splash, Snow pulls away Holly who picks up the scraps to pin his challenger.
Backstage in mood lighting, The Undertaker talks dirty to Ken Shamrock, who lies unconscious in what appears to be a barber shop gown.
Over on historic Roody Poo Bridge, The Rock happens upon a fishing rod.
On stage, the Ministry straps Ken Shamrock flat on the Undertaker symbol. But Taker comes up with a better idea, lifting and dropping Christian by the neck. Meanwhile, with the Ministry distracted, Shamrock starts untying himself from the symbol. Remember, that’s a symbol, and definitely not a cross.
“Put him on the cross,” says Taker to Viscera.
“What!?” says Lawler.
“No, you”, says Undertaker to Edge and Gangrel. “Put him on the symbol”.
The Brood refuses, slugging it out with the rest of the Ministry. Shamrock frees himself and joins, along with Mankind, in the melee. Undertaker, meanwhile, hops on the Brood’s trap door and rides it down to the arena floor.
The WWF Rewind, brought to us by Twix, is X-Pac and Kane’s tag team title victory last week over Owen Hart & Jeff Jarrett. Because the rest of the roster has been busy with kidnapping and Satanic rituals over the past eight days, X-Pac gets his second sponsored replay of the night.
Jerry Lawler certainly isn’t impressed with X-Pac, who is only a champion because he teamed with the Big Red R-Word. The new champs defend against the duo of future Mr. Stephanie McMahons, Test & Triple H. Hunter has enough of Kane in the early going and tags in a reluctant Test, tossing him into the ring when he refuses. X-Pac, on the other hand, is begging for a tag, eventually tagging himself in.
X-Pac wigs out on the other team until Test catches him with a big boot. Triple H tags in to stomp his former friend, who also eats a cheap shot from the certified Jezebel, Chyna. Triple H sticks his butt up high while working a rest hold on X-Pac, who breaks out to deliver a heel kick and create a double-down. Kane gets the hot tag and, coupled with a Bronco Buster on Test by X-Pac, cleans house. Triple H, wanting no part of Kane, rolls Test into the ring, where Kane tombstones him for the 1-2-3.
“Well, Helmsley went into business for himself”, says Jim Ross. Again? I predict Triple H will be punished for it for a few months, then bitch about it for the next three years or more.
The Rock, still patrolling Detroit's Rudolph Poo Memorial Bridge, receives a page reading simply, “316”. He is unfazed.
Ken Shamrock is back, this time without his shirt or his silk robe. Addressing Undertaker as “Mark”, he calls out the leader of the Ministry to settle their dispute man to man. The lights go out, and Taker appears in the ring, where he blindsides Ken. Shamrock then turns the tables and mounts and punches Taker, delivering a “backlash” of his own. Backlash, if you can believe it, is also the name of the next WWF pay-per-view.
The rest of the Ministry (minus the Brood) storm the ring for a four-on-one beatdown until Bossman and Triple H pull him out of the ring… only to pummel the barely-conscious Shamrock himself. Shane McMahon looks on smiling. The lights then go out in the arena. Is it time for another evil and mysterious Undertaker stunt? No, it’s just a transition to the night’s final segment, which plays out on the TitanTron.
Just when The Rock is ready to chuck the smoking skull belt off the bridge, Steve Austin shows up in his truck to brawl with The Rock. Rocky throws Austin over the railing, forcing the champion to hang on rather loosely for dear life. A few punches later, and a mannequin in jeans and a camo jacket plummets to the water below. Helpfully, The Rock throws the custom belt into the water with him.
