Figure Friday: A Tale of Four Hulksters

With Hulkamania in full gear at the beginning of the 90s (okay, not full gear, but still pretty huge), it was only natural that Hasbro do all it could to cash in on the merchandising phenomenon (and alleged wrestler) that was Hulk Hogan. For that reason, no fewer than four distinct Hulk Hogan figures were created and sold by the toy company between 1990 and 1993. Oh, and not one of them was bald.

Figure Friday: The Rockers were Rip-Offs (and not of the Rock & Roll Express)

As a child of the New WWF Generation, I owned not only the Marty Jannetty and Shawn Michaels figures as part of the Rockers' tag team set, but as singles wrestlers, as well. In all those years, I never noticed that both figures are exactly the same, minus the heads. It's as if Hasbro were trying to sabotage the Rockers' split by refusing to differentiate between the two party animals. 

Figure Friday: Barefoot and Pregnant with The Headshrinkers

The Headshrinkers' action figures were released simultaneously by Hasbro as part of their 1994 series but were sold separately. For this reason, I had a Fatu figure but no Samu figure. Actually, truth be told, I had two Fatu figures and just called one of them "Samu." It was just as well; both figures look practically identical, but closer inspection leads one to notice some subtle differences and revealing similarities between the two cousins' figures.

Figure Friday: The long-lost Steiner, Crush

Last week, I looked at the figures of Money, Inc. and showed how they were so cohesive a team that they even shared a lower body. This week, I profile another pair of WWF figures from Hasbro, the Steiner Brothers. The Rick and Scott figures really have nothing in common... except that they both borrow heavily from Brian "Crush" Adams. Allow me to explain.

Figure Friday: Below the Belt with Money, Inc.

Ted DiBiase and Irwin R. Schyster shared a lot of things: a team name, a tag team title, an affinity for money, and, unlike many other tag teams, a lower body. At least as far as Hasbro was concerned. No, we never saw a Siamese twin figure of DiBiase and Rotundo, but we did see a pair of action figures with many similar features, including a recycled lower body with stomping action.

Figure Friday: Three Men and a Body

Sometimes I don't know whether to consider Hasbro's WWF toy-makers supremely unoriginal or brilliantly creative. On the one hand, they regularly re-used existing pieces of wrestling figures, disguising their origins with a fresh coat of paint. On the other hand, the leaps of imagination required to transform a particular action figure, representing one Federation superstar, into another action figure representing an entirely dissimilar wrestler are commendable. Sure, there were some easy cases, like transforming Bushwhacker Luke into Bushwhacker Butch and vice versa, but some of the re-hashes bridge not only generations but basic body types, as well.

Figure Friday: ¢#®!$ ℬ∑№ℹ+

This week's figure was quite cutting-edge when it came out but is now more than a bit dated. It definitely had its good points, such as its true-to-life appearance, the result of digital scanning of the wrestler's face by Jakks Pacific. It also has many joints and other points of articulation. So yes, this figure is technically sound, but all of that suddenly becomes less important when you realize that it's a Chris Benoit doll.
 
Yes, this is one of many Chris Benoit action figures, manufactured, obviously, before his grisly death in June of 2007. It could even be one of the same ones Daniel Benoit owned, exonerating his father in a Nancy Grace-concocted leap in logic.

Figure Friday: Giant Gonzalez and homemade wrestlers

As I explained in the Doink the Clown article, after Hasbro stopped producing WWF figures, toy stores were left with only the less popular figures that had yet to sell out. As a result, parents of the mid-90s had slim pickings when it came time to buy an action figure for their kids' birthdays or Christmas. That would explain how over the years my household acquired not one, but three Giant Gonzalez figures.

Figure Friday: Get Bent

The closest thing to standing these guys can do.

This week's Figure Friday focuses on the travesty that was the WWF Bend-Ems (Series I, specifically). These toys, manufactured by JusToys, were for people who tired of the old Hasbro line of wrestling figures and their pesky ability to be posed, to have their body parts moved without ripping apart, and to stand on their own. How bad were the Bend-Ems? For years, this would be Kevin Nash's only WWF figure, and it couldn't even do him justice in terms of replicating his move set.

Raw #8 - March 8th, 1993

"Siam is the biggest country in the world, brother!"

Tonight's Raw is pre-recorded and opens with the Mega-Maniacs talking about their upcoming Wrestlemania match. Beefcake suggests removing the turn signals from their motorcycles so that they can hang their tag belts in front of them. There's something about Hulk Hogan that turns everyone around him into an unsafe driver. Hulkster sings a few bars from The King and I, which he claims he and Brutus have been working out to. I demand footage of that. He promises a surprise for Money Inc. Hopefully it's Deborah Kerr as their valet. The Mega-Maniacs paraphrase SNL:

From New York, it's Monday Night Raw! Whatcha gonna do?

Did I mention that this show is not live?