Friday, October 12, 2012

Raw #40 - November 15th, 1993

From Kentucky Fried Rasslin'.
Macho Man is not at the announcers' table on tonight's Raw, as Jack Tunney has sat out Savage after last week's outburst against Crush. On the other hand, Shawn Michaels has been reinstated as of that Saturday, and not a moment to soon, as he replaces Jerry Lawler at the Survivor Series next Wednesday due to the King's "legal problems" (a euphemism for "being accused of raping a thirteen-year-old girl"). Bobby Heenan says that he is glad that this happened, implying that he really hates Lawler, or else that he wants to see Shawn take on Bret. Vince calls Michaels Razor Ramon's "arch nemesis," despite the two never having feuded. Razor takes on the Brooklyn Brawler in what I can only assume is a non-title match.

The Brooklyn Brawler gets the jump on Razor, whipping him back and forth before he has the opportunity to take off his jacket. Bobby Heenan says that HBK is the real champion, having never been beaten for the title, while Vince disagrees and calls Razor the undisputed Intercontinental Champion. Well, if Bobby Heenan disputes it, and Michaels disputes it, then it's clearly not undisputed, is it? Heenan recalls last year's Survivor Series main event and says he wants to see Michaels get his hands on the whole "Fart hamily," prompting Vince to chide him and remind him that Raw is a family show (despite the sexual innuendo used to promote it). Yes, once upon a time, "fart" was considered obscene. In fact, in the late seventies, George Carlin updated his "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television" to include, among other words, "fart" and "turd" (he also suggested "dork," which was used several times on the very first Raw). Of course, that era had long since passed, as even a Nickelodeon kids' show like "Salute Your Shorts" included "fart" in the opening theme. Razor hits the Razor's Edge after the Brawler telegraphs a back body drop, ending a surprisingly competitive match. 
We hear from Crush, no longer the Hawaiian Punch Chaka Bra he once was, regarding the "MEE-lay" last week with Randy Savage. Crush laughs at Savage for losing not only last week's fight, but also his broadcasting job, brudda.

The Headshrinkers come to the ring to face Mike Bucci and Mike Maraldo, who share a first name and therefore can't get their names mixed up like Scott "Mark" Taylor and Mark "Scott" Thomas did a few weeks ago. Vince mentions Bret Hart's match against Yokozuna at the Survivor Series Showdown special on USA this Sunday, but also his match against IRS this Saturday on Superstars, which McMahon will co-host with Reo Rodgers (Bruce Pritchard doing a Dusty Rhodes impression, replacing Jerry Lawler). The Mikes double-team Fatu, even trying to pin him simultaneously. The referee for some reason allows this to transpire, just like how the referee at Summerslam let the Steiners beat the Heavenly Bodies with a two-on-one in, but Fatu kicks out. "This is wild," says Vince. "This is a mee-lay." The Shrinkers respond in kind with a double-team flapjack on Maraldo. Bobby Heenan mentions in passing that Bob Newhart's new show has just been cancelled. Fatu nearly tears Maraldo's trunks in half, though he is fortunately wearing tights underneath. Perhaps this match was Ed Leslie's inspiration for The Booty Man gimmick. Fatu splashes onto Maraldo for the victory. Vince predicts that the Headshrinkers, along with Bam Bam Bigelow and Bastion Booger, will be Doinked at the Survivor Series. 

We get a replay from Superstars of the All-Americans selecting a replacement for the "injured" Tatanka. Lex assures us that Tatanka will be at the Survivor Series "in spirit," which is such a great excuse for no-shows and changes to the card that I'm surprised that no promotion has used it. Based on the team name, they should pick Jim Duggan, but he is gone from the WWF. How about one of the Smoking Gunns, since cowboys are one thing that is exclusively America (and Canadian, and Argentinian)? Bob Backlund could join the team, since he's a collegiate wrestler like the Steiners. What about Shawn Michaels, who is just as narcissistic as Lex Luger was before he became Made in the USA? IRS was part of the team of the U.S. Express in the 80s when he was Mike Rotunda. Then there's Macho Man, who for weeks this summer wore a gaudy red-white-and-blue sequined suit to Raw and even dressed his midget up in the stars and stripes. Alas, Lex and the Steiners reject all of those (relatively) logical choices and pick The Undertaker. Hey, people die in America, right? Taker unveils his special new jacket, lined with the original thirteen-starred American flag (not the original, obviously, but the original design). Does this mean that the Undertaker will adopt "Taps" as his new theme? Clash of gimmicks aside, at least Taker is being rewarded with a main event spot after two years of feuds with Kamala, Mr. Hughes, and Giant Gonzalez.

Pierre takes on Lex Luger in the first ever Raw-active match. Lex opens the match with the first Nice Maneuver (#1) of the night, an Irish whip from the American Original to the buckle. Vince tells the fans from the West Coast that they are eligible for a rebate if they voted last week (seeing as how Raw airs on a three-hour delay over there and the voting was already over by 10 PM EST). WIth Luger distracted by Johnny Polo on the outside, Pierre tries to attack Lex from behind and gets back body-dropped for his trouble as we head to break.

Luger and Pierre exchange rest holds, including an ARMBAR, a front facelock, and an ARMBAR, before Pierre knocks Lex out of the ring. He then throws Luger into the steps as Johnny Polo cackles with glee. Vince decries the French-Canadian's tactics as part of a Foreign Fanatics conspiracy to put Luger out of action before the Survivor Series. Heenan encourages Polo to hit Lex in the temple with his polo mallet as Pierre has the American Original in a camel clutch (or as Vince calls it, a Boston Crab). Luger powers out of the rest hold and looks to finally mount a comeback when Raw goes to break again.

When Raw returns, Luger is in yet another rest hold, a rear chinlock on the ground. Good thing we got to skip over all that boring "action" during the break. Lex stands up yet again and falls back onto Pierre to break the hold. Still, the Quebecer lands a piledriver, but Luger kicks out at two. Pierre climbs the ropes for a High-Risk Maneuver (#2), a leg drop, but Luger counts out once again. Pierre responds with a "side suplex" (actually a side slam), then tries another High-Risk Maneuver (#3 - somersault) but misses. Again, Pierre gets to his feet first as Luger misses about his sixth opportunity for a comeback in this match. Finally, Luger pushes Pierre to the turnbuckle to counter a bulldog and is able to land a number of punches, including a RIGHT-HANDED PUNCH. He then gives the Canadian a baaaack body drop, a series of clotheslines, and a powerslam for a two-count. Lex then attempts a superplex, gets knocked off the ropes, then slams Pierre, leaving him open for a running forearm smash for the Luger victory.


Pierre is still out cold when we return from commercial. Another break later, and Pierre is being stretchered out, leading to another break. The man with the pastel windbreaker is in action next.

Diesel arrives, name spelled correctly this time, to take on Sid! No, not Sycho Sid, but Sid Garrison. This match should be much more entertaining than those matches at In Your House in 1995. Bobby Heenan explains that this weekend on Superstars, Reo Rodgers will have his first ever "Reo's Roundup" segment with guests Shawn Michaels and Stu & Helen Hart. In reality there would be no real Hart parents, and the segment would be a last-minute effort to establish a feud for the "Family Feud" match next Wednesday. Diesel gets in some clubs to the back, knees to the gut, and a corner choke with his boot. A chinlock on Garrison really pops the crowd, while a big boot and an elbow drop put him away.
Vince discusses Pierre's injury while Bobby introduces another vignette featuring Double J in the studio with his assistant, Winona, known to today's fans as Jacqueline Moore. Jarrett is dissatisfied with all of the studio musicians and worries that he'll have to play every instrument himself.
Vince reminds us to watch the Survivor Series Showdown this Sunday on USA, the last wrestling show until the pay-per-view. Hopefully they'll explain why exactly we Shawn Michaels hates the Hart family and needs to fight them all at Survivor Series.

Final tally:

3 Maneuvers (Cumulative total: 245)

1 comment:

  1. Mike Maraldo = Ace Darling, Devon Storm/Crowbar's old partner in The Extreme.