Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Raw #38 - November 1st, 1993

Bastion Booger is stuffing himself before the thirty-eighth Raw even gets underway. Not only is this food unhealthy, it's all raw! And that's the name of the show you're watching! Vince speculates that we're going to have a Maalox moment tonight when Booger takes on Razor Ramon in a non-title match. Vince runs down tonight's card, and apparently, Adam Bomb isn't facing some jobber after all, like I had thought at the end of last week's show. He's actually wrestling Virgil. There's a world of difference. Tonight is the night after Halloween, but there will be no Halloween theme for tonight's Raw, since it's 1993 and everyone is already in goofy costumes. Case in point: The Smoking Gunns battle Well Dunn on tonight's show.

Bastion Booger's theme music begins with a sound bite of someone saying, "I'm the Booger Man." Sadly, he would not follow this up with, "And I'm comin' to get ya!" I don't know if it's Bastion or somebody else saying the line, but whoever it is has their voice deepened a few octaves a la "Oh Yeah" by Yello.

Booger splashes Ramon, then dances like Friar Ferguson, only to get knocked to the outside. Tonight is Bobby Heenan's birthday, so he is exhorting Booger to finish the match quickly so they can celebrate. Booger steps outside to adjust his ring gear, but Razor follows him out, only to be splashed against the ring post and worked over. Bastion slaps a bear hug on Razor, who sells the move by looking slightly uncomfortable. In the mean time, Vince wishes Tatanka luck in his "recuperative efforts" after having been demolished by Ludvig Borga and Yokozuna on Superstars. Hillary Clinton is coming to Bobby Heenan's party, but her rejected health care plan won't be able to do anything for the formerly undefeated Native American. The pace picks up in this "lethargic" matchup, with Booger taking a boot from Razor after telegraphing a Maneuver (#1 - corner splash). Razor then does the impossible by bodyslamming Bastion Booger, ending the big man's Carbs & Stripes Challenge and restoring honor to the United States. Booger hits a Trip to the Batcave, a fancy name for sitting on a guy, but Razor counters with a sunset flip for the victory.
John Stamos stars in this week's World Premiere Movie.
Vince and Bobby speculate about the condition of Tatanka. Heenan quips that "that Indian is history." Todd Pettengill, who has already replaced Joe Fowler on the Survivor Series Report, corrects Heenan's politically incorrect language. Todd Pettengill promotes an upcoming boxing Pay-Per-View between Riddick Bowe and Evander Holyfield. Next, he shows clips from Superstars this weekend in which Ludvig Borga hits Tatanka with a chair, pins him with one finger, then gets Yokozuna to Banzai Drop that Indian. Lex Luger comes down a century or two too late to help Tatanka and instead gets ambushed by the Quebecers. The Foreign Fanatics are in the ring with managers Mr. Fuji, Jim Cornette, and Johnny Polo. Cornette hints at more All-Americans besides Tatanka being eliminated before Survivor Series. This interview poses a lot of problems, kayfabe-wise. The Tatanka vs. Borga match actually occurred way back on September 28th, but was not aired until October 30th. This Raw taping, on the other hand, was held on October 18th, meaning that the fans have not seen Tatanka be put out of action by Borga. To make matters much worse, though, the fans have already seen Tatanka wrestle twice on this night, including a match against Mike Sharpe that was aired last week on Raw, yet everyone in the ring acts like Tatanka will be unable to wrestle. Vince hands over the mic to Ludvig Borga, who takes on Scott Steiner next week. He calls Americans ignorant and illiterate, which is uncalled for when referring to a man like Steiner who has wrestled a lot of countries and has a lot of sympy for the United States. 

Bret Hart would do this same move to Jerry Lawler after
their "Kiss My Foot" match
Mr. Perfect faces the Executioner next, a man who has more WWF titles in his future than Hennig (winning the Light Heavyweight Title as Gillberg). The Executioner hits a Nice Maneuver (#2), hiptossing Perfect. Gill attempts a corner splash, but Perfect moves out of the way, leaving his opponent hanging and vulnerable to some perfect kicks to the gut. Heenan wonders if Razor Ramon will have to worry about not only his Survivor Series opponents, but his teammates as well, including Mr. Perfect. Perfect puts Gill in a Native American Deathlock (Thanks, Pettengill). The Executioner breaks out by poking Perfect in the eye, leading to an exclamation of "Oh, son of a bitch!" He retaliates by kicking his opponent's leg out of his leg, working him over some more, then Perfectplexing him for the victory, continuing his Raw undefeated streak and winning his last televised WWF match for nine years. His last match actually took place two days before this show aired, at a house show.

Vince introduces another vignette for Jeff Jarrett, claiming that he is "standing by" at Tootsies Orchid Lounge in Nashville, as if it were live. Next, we see Jarrett walking in broad daylight, again complaining about country music politics and that "Italian boy, Billy Ray Cyrus" (Miley's dad, for those of you too young for "Achy Breaky Heart"). He then vows to slap another "Italian guy," Razor Ramon. Has Double J already forgotten that Razor Ramon, like Christopher Columbus, is Hispanic?  Next, he name-drops Men on a Mission and the 123 Kid. 

The Smoking Gunns are out next, as we get a shot of some poor kid wearing a Gunns foam cowboy hat pulled over his eyes. I guess he knows that Well Dunn is coming out next. The Gunns, it should be noted, went to Sam Houston State on a rodeo scholarship. Sure that wasn't Sam Houston Institute of Technology? (Get it? S.H.I. -- Oh, forget it.)
When we return from break, Well Dunn has already entered. Not only are they wearing thongs, but their logo is written on a giant pair of lips. I'm telling you, this is where Billy Gunn came up with the "Mr. Ass" gimmick. Timothy Well gets met with offense by Billy Gunn, leading him to cower into his corner for a hug and a tag. Heenan, meanwhile, rattles off a list of guests at his party, including Madonna and Regis Philbin. The Gunns perform a double-team Maneuver (#3 - suplex/crossbody block), but Well breaks up the pin. Bart gets whipped to the corner and tries to float over Dunn, catching him in a head scissors Maneuver (#4) while holding onto the top rope. Bart gets his neck hung up on the top rope, however, by Well. "Are those wrestling trunks," asks Heenan about Well Dunn's ring gear, "or is he wearing dental floss?" Vince tells him to stop it, even though it was Vinnie Mac who greenlighted the purple G-strings. Rumors that Vince looked to replace Steven Dunn with a Chinese wrestler named Hung are completely without merit. "Isn't it ironic that we'd be watching Well Dunn on Raw?" comments Heenan. I'll let you think that over for a few seconds. Heenan then uses the same "Sam Houston Institute of Technology" joke that I just used a paragraph ago, but it goes over Vince's head. Dunn telegraphs a back body drop and gets a facebuster from Bart for a Nice Maneuver (#5), allowing Bart to get the hot tag to Billy. Monty Sopp is about to launch off the ropes, but he gets tripped by Harvey Wippleman, drawing a disqualification. First Sid Justice gets DQ'd because of Harvey, now Well Dunn.


Macho Man is on the phone and will be on Raw next week. Heenan, mocking Randy's tongue ailment, asks him to say "Suffering Succotash" thirty times in a row. Savage hangs up, leading Bobby Heenan to guess that the rest of his tongue fell out.


Vince hypes up the USA movie starring Clint Eastwood, "In the Line of Fire," which is also a totally-real interview column in WWF Magazine. Adam Bomb steps into the ring with Virgil, who is dressed like a barber pole again. Bomb once defeated Virgil three times at the same TV taping (May 5th, 1993). The two men criss-cross the ring ropes for about a minute for some reason before Virgil executes an arm drag takedown (nicely done). Bomb steps outside, but Virgil sneaks up on him from behind, then chases Harvey Wippleman around the ring for a very long time, then enters the ring again only to plancha onto Adam Bomb for a Maneuver (#6). Bomb takes back control of the match, however, with a back elbow. After a number of slams and clotheslines, Virgil mounts a comeback and appears on the verge of victory until a flying body press misses Bomb. Actually, it connects, but Bomb doesn't sell it; thus the High-Risk Maneuver (#7) backfired, in McMahon's eyes. I think Bomb was supposed to catch the wrestling superstar right there. Regardless, Adam hits the Atom Smasher for the victory.The Atom Smasher is like a Jackknife, except he releases his opponent about one foot off the ground rather than seven.

Bobby Heenan starts singing "Happy Birthday to Me," but gets cut off as Raw goes off the air.

Final Tally:

7 Maneuvers (Cumulative Total: 238)

1 comment:

  1. I bet old, one hour long Raws with jobbers and an Adam Bomb vs Virgil main event are twice as entertaining as current Raws. Not just from a nostalgia trip, but - honestly - I'd take a 20 minute long Jim Duggan vs Shawn Michaels match than a 47 second Fandango/Santino thing.