Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Raw #138 - December 4th, 1995

Bob Holly faces the number one contender for the WWF title tonight. Sparky's mullet is at its most glorious tonight, but will it help him knock off Davey Boy? Holly floats over Bulldog for the night's first Maneuver en route to delivering a flurry of offense. Bulldog fights back by lifting Bob up for a press slam and dropping him crotch-first onto the top rope. He follows this up with a delayed vertical suplex, a Maneuver (#2) that causes the blood to rush to Plugg's head. Holly makes a number of surprise pin attempts, but none are successful. The race car driver also hits a number of the best dropkicks in the business, but still can't put Smith away. Finally, Bulldog catches Holly in the corner and delivers a running powerslam for the victory.
Bob Backlund's recent reign of terror is detailed, showing highlights of his recent attack on Jim Ross. No amount of barbecue sauce in the world will make that chicken wing taste good. Jerry Lawler gets a word with Mr. Backlund, who faces Bret Hart in a non-title match next week. "I wanna be God again!" says Backlund, livid at not getting a title shot. "No, I had dreams of being God again, so I could reign supreme over all the plebeians!" The former champion proceeds to go on a rant, and Lawler tells them they have to go to commercial. Backlund is irate. "Are you trying to finite me!?" Backlund gets his mic cut off, then looks for the sound engineer during the break.
Fatu arrives in a BSK cap, ready to make a difference. How come the Clique never had their own line of head gear? Brooklyn Brawler takes it to Fatu with a "knee to the abdominal area." Lawler declares Backlund an American hero for attacking JR this weekend. "That makes him a hero?" asks Vince. In that case, Vince should be on U.S. currency, given how many times he would humiliate Ross. Fatu wins quickly with a Tremendous Maneuver (#3 - splash).
Dok Hendrix is in the middle of delivering the Slam Jam when Backlund finds the sound guy and puts him in the chickenwing. Hendrix tells us that Diesel is Owen Hart's opponent for In Your House, having accepted the King of Harts' open challenge.
Up next is the Intercontinental title match between champion Razor Ramon and Dean Douglas. "Who's going to take whom to school?" asks Vince. Nice grammar. You've obviously been studying under the Dean. Douglas attacks Razor as he takes off his chains, then tries to use the IC belt against him before the referee intervenes. Ramon is still in his jacket as he hits a fallaway slam on the man with the exclamation point on his tights. Douglas should have formed a team with Rey Misterio (when he wore question marks all over his tights) and Kama to form the ultimate alliance of punctuation. Ramon clotheslines Douglas over the top rope and hip tosses him when he re-enters. We see a close-up of "Shawn" written on a piece of tape on Ramon's boot. Douglas shifts the momentum with a facebuster from the top rope. Vince notes that Douglas's back appears injured.
After commercial, we see a replay of a move just before break, a Maneuver (#4 - splash to the back) that the challenge hits on Ramon. Speaking of challengers hitting on Ramon, we're only a few weeks away from Goldust's angle with Razor. Ramon applies an abdominal stretch, which Douglas counters with a Nice Maneuver (#5 - hiptoss). Jerry Lawler makes a joke about the lose of the Army-Navy football game having to go to Bosnia, which Vince does not find at all amusing. "Many people believe we have no business being in Bosnia." Vince's skepticism of military intervention would not extend to the Iraq War, which was opposed only by America-hating Frenchmen and eggheads like Chris Nowinsky. Razor executes the Razor's Edge, a Devastating Maneuver (#6) for a three-count, while Dean continues to sell his bad back, which may or may not be genuine. It could be real, it could be kayfabe, or he could be faking it to get out of his contract. A demonic-looking teen girl cheers Razor on.
Brother Love is in the ring for what will be one of the most baffling segments in Raw's short history. His guest is King Mabel, who faces The Undertaker in a casket match at In Your House and now wears the remnants of Taker's urn around his neck. "Not only was I the first man to ever pin the Undertaker's shoulders to the mat for the one-two-three," boasts Mabel (ignoring Hulk Hogan), "but I was also the first man to put him out of action" (ignoring Yokozuna). He also vows to be the first man to single-handedly stuff him into a casket, which would actually be true, since Yokozuna needed a dozen heels to do that. Brother Love points out that Sir Mo isn't around, and Mabel doesn't know where he is. He then delivers a "surprise" for Mabel, despite the King of the Ring not liking surprises. A druid carts a casket to the ring as Undertaker's music plays. Brother Love says he actually has two surprises, the first of which is that Sir Mo is the one under the hood as the druid. Surprise number 2 is a custom-made casket, which has been spray-painted with messages like "MOM" and "King." Why Mabel would want a casket that says "RIP King" that's build to hold his body is never explained. Wouldn't a much better gift have been an extra-small casket Mabel couldn't possibly fit into?
A short promo for the Raw Bowl airs. "Buckle your chinstrap, McMahon, you're in for some necessary roughness!" advises Jerry Lawler, kicking off the bad football puns four weeks early. Sycho Sid, who faces Marty Jannetty next, comes out to a Titantron image with his name spelled wrong. And by "wrong," I mean, "right": "Psycho Sid." Meanwhile, Barry Dadinsky pitches life-sized cutouts of Diesel and Undertaker, both of which make more convincing doubles for the two Superstars than Glen Jacobs and Brian Lee, respectively. Speaking of pitching, Sid gets jumped by Jannetty, who bangs the big man's head against the canvas repeatedly. Sid hits Jannetty with a World's Strongest Slam to cut off the Rocker's momentum. Or should that be, "World's Strangest Slam"? Sid chokes Jannetty in the corner, then whips him to the opposite corner, only to be hit with two boots by Marty for a Nice Maneuver (#7). He follows this up with another Maneuver (#8 - diamond dust) to take down Sid. Razor is seen watching the match backstage on a monitor. Wrestlers never watch a regular television feed, otherwise they'd start watching themselves whenever the camera showed them watching backstage.
Sid delivers a Devastating Maneuver (#9 - clothesline) after the commercial. Jannetty attempts a sunset flip but then gets clotheslined again by Sid. Marty gets thrown over the top rope, where he is slapped by DiBiase, only to make Jannetty mad. The 123 Kid dashes to ringside and puts the boots to his former tag team championship partner. Razor Ramon runs to ringside to chase the Kid and winds up in the ring. The referee calls for the bell and the Bad Guy chases the Kid through the crowd. Sid powerbombs Jannetty, who gets a $100 bill down his throat for his trouble. Funny, those are usually up his nose. Jannetty wins by DQ.
Todd Pettengill narrates a segment filled with light piano music and Dr. Jeffrey R. Unger destroying his credibility by playing along with kayfabe. The good doctor was shocked when he watched Raw and saw Shawn collapse. Hear that? This doctor watches Raw, not Nitro, and so should you! He explains Shawn's post-concussive syndrome and says that "any additional blows to the head could be life-threatening" and that it may never be safe for him to return to the ring at all. Shawn is still alive nearly 20 years later, so that just goes to show you that concussions aren't really a big deal. Vince then gives a speech about how "in the theater of life, we tend to put public figures on a pedestal." Blah blah blah. In short: everyone thinks wrestlers are invincible, but they're not. He refers to superhuman qualities of superstars that "may or may not even exist" while the Undertaker appears on camera. So, is he implying that Undertaker really does have magic powers? Isn't this supposed to be a worked shoot? Raw ends with Vince wondering whether Shawn should ever return.

Final tally:

9 Maneuvers (Year total: 245)

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