Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Raw #129 - October 2nd, 1995

Razor Ramon enters the ring to a veritable golden shower (of pyro) to face the Kid. No, this isn't an R. Kelly home video; this is Monday Night Raw, despite the cold open and lack of its new opening video and theme. Also tonight, Bret Hart faces Jean Pierre LaFitte in a rematch from In Your House, which, coupled with the negation of the Triple Header match's outcome, serves to further rub it in the faces of the fans who paid money to see that event.

Razor opens the match by chucking the Kid over the top rope. Jerry Lawler claims that Ted DiBiase has been talking to the 123 Kid. This time next year, Razor, Kid, and DiBiase would all be in WCW as part of the nWo. Dean Douglas stands in the aisle once again to take notes as the Kid hits a Maneuver (spinning back kick). the Kid follows this up with a leg drop. What a Maneuver (#2)! A spinning heel kick by the Kid misses, allowing Razor to pin the Kid in mere minutes (Actually, it only took three seconds, but the match was slightly longer than that). The Kid starts fighting Ramon even after the bell, and the match continues for no reason. This is no post-match brawl, as no brawl in history has ever involved an abdominal stretch. Kid slaps Razor, only making the Bad Guy madder.
During the break, Razor reverses an attempted silla by the Kid with a powerbomb, garnering a three-count. The match continues nonetheless, with Razor countering a sunset flip with a punch to the fist, then flattening the Kid with a belly-to-back superplex. Razor signals for the Razor's Edge, but instead of hitting his finisher, he merely rolls up the Kid with a small package, putting his all-time Raw record against the Kid at 3-2-1, much better than the 0-2-1 record he had just ten minutes ago. Vince claims that the Kid has earned Ramon's respect, but Lawler disagrees, seeing as how the Kid lost three times in a row. Razor raises Kid's hand, but the Kid rolls him up with a schoolboy. "Look at that Maneuver!" (#3) says Vince. The referee inexplicably starts counting. Razor kicks out at 2, but a fourth match is ruled out. Why would Tim White keep officiating for 2-3 more matches after the one match he was paid to referee? It appears that WWF Raw has kicked it into high gear as far as competing with Nitro; they've even stolen WCW's trademarked messed-up endings. Vince praises the Kid's "spunk," but Jerry says that the Kid has had "the spunk knocked out of him." Viewers in Britain and Australia laugh hysterically. The crowd, unsympathetic to the Kid, chants, "Razor's Edge," so he turns his back to Razor and holds out his arms a full year before ECW's mock-crucifixion. Razor refuses and shakes his little friend's hand.

Vince McMahon announces the card for this month's In Your House (Great White North), which includes the debut of Goldust against Marty Jannetty, as well as Mabel vs. The Undertaker, a match that will not take place due to an unfortunate face-crushing incident. Barry Horowitz prepares to take on Hunter Hearst Helmsley. "Can Horowitz defeat Hunter Hearst Helmsley?" asks Vince. "Fat chance!" says Hunter. Traditionally, isn't that supposed to be a pun, used when your opponent is overweight?
Vince plugs a baffling WWF phone poll about whether OJ Simpson is guilty. At least the proceeds go to charity. I'm sure Vince is pulling for, "No," I'm sure, because just because someone is accused of a crime, it doesn't mean he's guilty! At least this ploy is better than the Lex Luger-Tatanka feud last year, meant to point out that people can be falsely accused. Jerry Lawler expresses his support for a "not guilty" verdict, acquitting Simpson of false allegations. Hmmm, wonder why? Hunter Hearst Helmsley, who is undefeated, has the early advantage until Horowitz takes him down with a waistlock, a Nice Maneuver (#4). Hunter grabs the ropes to escape Barry Horowitz's clutches, a sentence C.O.O. Triple H will probably try to have expunged from the internet. Vince announces that last week's Raw was the most-watched ever, just a few short months before writing skits accusing Ted Turner of trying to ruin the wrestling industry by dividing the audience. Hunter delivers a series of European uppercuts, then executes a Ric Flair-style knee drop that clearly misses, as usual. Horowitz nearly pins Helmsley with a surprise sunset flip shortly before Vince welcomes Pope John Paul II to the U.S. This match's commentary has everything! A backslide by Barry nearly finishes the Connecticut blue blood, but Hunter kicks out. Jerry says that the recent pairing of Barry Horowitz with Hakushi is "not kosher" (because Horowitz is Jewish, you see). Horowitz scores a series of near-falls on Hunter precede a Pedigree by the undefeated blue blood, leading to a victory.

PG-13, tag team champions of the USWA, make a surprise appearance, rapping poorly over Men on a Mission's old theme and ignoring its rhythm entirely. In pre-recorded comments, they challenge the Smoking Gunns for their titles. JC Ice hits a Maneuver (#5 - dropkick) on Sonny Rogers before dancing spastically. "That was Quite a Maneuver," (#6) reiterates McMahon. The scrawny USWA champs execute a rather ugly Hart Attack on Rogers for yet another Maneuver (#7). Al Brown makes a hot tag, but soon falls victim to the smaller Wolfie D, then gets "bulldogged" off the top rope by JC Ice for yet another Maneuver (#8). The USWA champions win after one of them tilt-a-whirl slams the other onto Brown for a three-count.
Jean Pierre Lafitte makes his way to the ring for a match with Bret Hart which Vince McMahon has been calling a "demolition derby" throughout the entire night. The Hitman enters with his jacket, which he won back at In Your House eight days earlier (actually, one night before, do to tape delay). Lafitte hammers Hart in the corner when the match returns from break, already in progress. Vince McMahon mentions that Bret will face the WWF champion at Survivor Series, his reward for putting up with matches against dentists and pirates. Lafitte charges at Bret in the corner, but the Hitman moves, causing Pierre to tumble over the top rope. "What a Maneuver!" (#9) says McMahon. On the outside, Bret slams Lafitte on the steel steps for a Devastating Maneuver (#10). A replay gives another look at the Devastating Maneuver (#11). Back in the ring, Lafitte shifts the momentum in his favor by hot-shotting Hart onto the ropes. He then counters a hip toss with a clothesline to Bret, which is "devastating" (but not a maneuver). A flying headbutt only nabs Lafitte a two-count, which he follows up with a guillotine splash to Hart on the second rope, then a corner splash. Bret surprises Pierre with a small package, but scores only a two-count before being knocked back down.

Lafitte is still in control when the match returns from commercial, but Lawler is still itching to jump into the ring and take over as referee. Lafitte launches off the top rope with a leg drop, but Hitman moves out of the way. The two roll out of the ring, but Hitman gets whipped into the steps to Lawler's delight. Lafitte attempts to suplex Hart back into the ring, but Bret floats over. He attempts to run the pirate into the ropes, but Pierre hooks the ropes for a Nice Maneuver (#12). Hart bounces back up to knock Lafitte down with an inverted atomic drop, then starts his five moves of doom with a Russian leg sweep, followed by a backbreaker and elbow smash, scoring near-falls along the way. Hart gets whipped into the corner and tries to float over Lafitte, but gets caught on his shoulders and hit with a Lambeau Leap. Lafitte mounts the ropes for a Cannonball, but instead gets hit with a top-rope superplex. A sharpshooter later, and Hart wins by submission.
Hart and Lawler have a verbal confrontation after the match, which turns physical when Jerry ill-advisedly takes off his shirt and gets punched by the Hitman, then knocked over the rails. Isaac Yankem comes to the rescue, hitting the DDS on Hart to the matted floor.

After the break, Vince McMahon announces a cage match between Hart and Yankem, scheduled for Raw in a few weeks. Next week, though, Camp Cornette (though sadly, without he Heavenly Bodies or Mantaur) takes on The Undertaker, Shawn Michaels, and Diesel.
Oh, and the very legitimate survey results say that OJ is not guilty by a margin of 2%.

Final tally:

12 Maneuvers (Year total: 174)

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