Raw #80 - October 3rd, 1994

The British Bulldog wrestles his first Raw match ever on this episode that comes taped from Utica. Davey Boy enters to "Rue Britannia" because OMC has not yet released "How Bizarre." Jim Neidhart comes out to the old Hart Foundation music, better known as Bret Hart's theme music. Why is it that Marty Jannetty is the archetypal unsuccessful half of a tag team, while Jim Neidhart gets of scot-free?

Neidhart gets the jump on Smith after Owen distracts the Bulldog. Davey Boy fights back with a shoulderblock, sending Neidhart to the mat and to the outside of the ring, where he takes a "hyenas" according to Savage. "It's a French word. Don't worry about it." The two men have a standoff in the middle of the ring, but the Bulldog downs his brother-in-law with a hiptoss and a drop toe hold. He then engages in a test of strength with Natalya's dad, who appears to outmatch Smith and kicks him in the gut, only for Bulldog to overpower the Anvil and hit a front drop kick for a Nice Maneuver (#1). Bulldog does a single-leg takedown (nicely done) on the Anvil, but Neidhart escapes after some hair-pulling. Davey gets locked in the "clutches" of Neidhart, according to McMahon, but it's really just one "clutch," the cobra clutch. "The Anvil is a powerful, powerful tower of power," says one of the announcers (guess which one). Neidhart whips the Bulldog to the ropes, where Owen pulls down the top strand to make Smith tumble to the outside. Bret Hart then makes his way to ringside. Owen brags about Neidhart's dominance, prompting Vince to suggest that someone "put a muzzle on that kisser." Despite the Hitman's presence, Bulldog continues to be overmatched by the Anvil, who locks him in a bear hug and rakes his face before Smith can counter with a suplex. A Bulldog clothesline finally topples Neidhart, but the former Intercontinental champion gets only a two count before Anvil goes back on the offensive. Neidhart then puts Smith in a "submission hold," so-called because Vince doesn't know whether to call it a camel clutch (yes) or a Boston crab (no). The Anvil punches Smith in the "chest area" before releasing the hold, but then gets met with a Maneuver (#2 - vertical suplex) by the Bulldog. Davey Boy gets a two-count before Bob Backlund comes to ringside to argue with the Hitman. With Bret distracted, Owen interferes to prevent Neidhart from being taken down with a sunset flip. A "donnybrook" breaks out (which is like a mee-lay) among the four family members, with the faces clearing the ring.

I wonder if this guy knows that there's now a picture of him wearing a Doink shirt on the internet. This is a wrestling move, trust me.

Doink the Clown faces Barry Horowitz, who will have more pay-per-view matches in the next two years than the clown. Horowitz puts a headlock on the clown at the outset, but Doink responds with a monkey flip. Horowitz bridges out of a Doink pin attempt, which Vince points out as a Maneuver (#3) of note. Doink, however, quickly applies a backslide for the victory... no, he doesn't. Vince mentions Jerry Lawler's recent destruction of Dink's tricycle. Doink finishes off Horowitz with a powerslam and a whoopee cushion, complete with a fart sound effect provided by McMahon.

Jerry Lawler is in the ring for the King's Court. First, he chides Doink and Dink for having to wear a ridiculous costume just to get attention. He also hates liars like the announcers and anyone else who spreads rumors about Yokozuna being scared of the Undertaker. Vince wishes happy birthdays to Gore Vidal and Chubby Checker as Yokozuna very slowly walks to the ring. Jim Cornette tells the King that it is in fact the Undertaker who is scared of Yokozuna (despite having already beaten the Samoan in several casket matches, including one that occurred earlier at this taping). Cornette takes special care not to use the word, "casket" when describing the kind of match the two men will have, but Lawler keeps accidentally using the word to Yokozuna's chagrine. "Casket casket casket!" says Randy. Cornette says that Paul Bearer and the Undertaker are engaged in a smear campaign against Yokozuna. The big man has a revulsion toward the word, "casket;" I have one against the use of the words, "smear" and "Yokozuna" in the same sentence. Cornette says that Yokozuna is the only man to ever beat him at his own match. This is true; of the over 50 casket matches that the Undertaker will have had by the end of the year, including some against Adam Bomb, Crush, and Yoko himself, the former champion is the only one to beat him (once). Yoko wipes his brow, then wipes the sweat onto the camera lens. Cornette vows that the Undertaker will be the one to be stuffed into the casket (but not in those words).

Oh, look. His kimono was on sale.

Todd Pettengill announces a match next week between Bam Bam Bigelow and Lex Luger. After being victimized by the Million Dollar Man, Lex now wants to start "liquidating" Ted's "assets." Kinky.

The WWF's stock "Oriental" music plays, signaling the arrival of either the Orient Express, Super Ninja, Takao Omori, Aja Kong, or Bull Nakano. It's mid-1994, so my bet is on Nakano, accompanied by Luna Vachon. Alundra Blayze (the Women's Champion) and Heidi Lee Morgan (the back-up woman wrestler) take on the imported woman wrestler and the other woman wrestler in tag team action. Heidi nearly pins Luna with a bridging pin right off the bat. "The Joy of Wrestling by Heidi Morgan!" shouts Macho Man. He has previously credited Bob Backlund for that book, but perhaps Morgan ghostwrote it. Heidi, whose ring gear is more prone to wedgies than Ahmed's, soon gets her head planted into the mat by Luna. Bull Nakano, "who might get a headache if she looks in the mirruh," according to Vince, helps Luna double-team the smaller Morgan in the corner. The announcers discuss the possibility of a Bull Nakano-Roseanne Barr matchup while Luna continues to take it to Heidi Lee. Nakano finally tags in and nearly gets pinned by a flying victory roll. "Call me crazy," says Macho, "but I'm attracted to Bull Nakano." I'm with you Savage; Ms. Keiko Nakano is quite lovely. She tags back out to Luna, but Heidi continues to pop the crowd with more offense on Luna. Blayze finally tags in, hitting a Nice Maneuver (#4 - diving hairpull takedown) on Vachon, followed by two more of the same move. Nakano tags back in, attempting a double-clothelinse on Blayze, who counters with a bodypress on both women. Blayze tries to suplex the big Bull, then gets help from her tag team partner, only for Nakano to suplex both of them simultaneously. Blayze bounces back with a flying body press for the near fall. Luna tags in and attempts to double-team the Women's Champion, but ends up dropkicking Nakano, allowing Blayze to pin Vachon with a German suplex. Closer inspection by yours truly reveals that Alundra's shoulders were down as well, but it is not counted as a double-pin, which is good because ties in wrestling are almost always stupid.

Footage of Bob Backlund's title loss to the Iron Sheik is shown, with Arnold Skaaland throwing in the towel. Backlund enters the ring to no music to face the plebeian Gary Scott. Savage thanks Backlund for his gift of a dictionary last week and claims to have read the first six chapters. Vince asks for a definition of "plebeians," which Randy gives as, "common folk." He must have skipped ahead, because the first six chapters only cover A-F. Scott takes down Backlund with an arm drag, then tries to ride the former WWWF champion (in the wrestling sense of "ride"). Backlund counters with an ankle pick for Maneuver #5 of the night until Gary Scott reaches the ropes. Vince comments that Lou Gianfriddo is recovering nicely after his attack by Backlund, while Savage doesn't expect any favorable articles on Backlund in the WWF Magazine from Louie. That's unsettling; a WWF Magazine editor is supposed to maintain his journalistic integrity, not letting personal biases get in the way of accurate reporting. No wonder Vince Russo took over. Backlund slaps the chickenwing on Scott, who submits before Bob can even drag him to the ground. Mr. Backlund keeps the hold on the jobber for quite some time after the bell rings. Backlund then tries to help his opponent off the mat, but drops him back down.

Next week's Raw is a special holiday edition in honor of Columbus Day. Hopefully, Vince can deliver another informative history lesson like he did last year. We get a word with Bret Hart, who says that Backlund told him earlier tonight that Bob was still champion. He thinks that Backlund has lost his marbles and says that he has lots of challengers for his title besides the former WWWF champ.

"No, I don't see any resemblance between myself and Alanis Morissette."

Final tally:

5 Maneuvers (Year total: 113)