Roxxi Laveaux on Wrestlecrap

Read my induction of my favorite TNA Knockout, the over-the-top voodoo queen from New Orleans, Roxxi Laveaux, into the annals of Wrestlecrap.

Figure Friday: Ahmed Johnson

Ahmed Johnson is famed for his unintelligible promos, massive weight gain, and frequent in-ring wedgies, but you can add one more accolade to that list. Ahmed was the subject of one of the most unrealistic action figures ever created.

This is Ahmed Johnson:


 

Raw #60 - April 25th, 1994

It's Raw episode #60, and How Much Does This Guy Weigh? post #100! The Macho Man opens Raw by telling Nikolai Volkoff to "come on down" a la Rod Roddy of the Price is Right. His mic isn't broadcasting over the PA, though, so Nikolai, who is Jerry Lawler's guest on the King's Court tonight, does not hear him. Razor Ramon, who defends the Intercontinental title this weekend against Diesel, faces Jeff Jarrett in a non-title match to open the show.

Raw #59 - April 18th, 1994

Monday Night Raw comes at you taped from the Utica Memorial Auditorium. The show opens with a replay of Jerry Lawler's mishap from last week, perhaps in an effort to promote a new "Bloopers, Bleeps, and Blunders" tape from Coliseum Video, which Macho Man references. This week's King's Court features the WWF's female wrestler, Alundra Blayze, who sits atop the Federation's one-person women's division. Also, Bret Hart faces off against Kwang in a thankfully non-title match, which leads Savage to suggest that he himself get a title shot.

Raw #58 - April 11th, 1994

After last week's disgraceful green-screening, Vince McMahon welcomes us to Raw, which emanates live tonight from an arena he is actually standing in. Macho Man is back on commentary tonight, and he's looking to burn Utica to the ground a la Michael Scott. Raw gets colored lights over the ring and a smoke machine tonight. Diesel comes down the aisle with Shawn Michaels to open the show. His opponent in this battle of the bodyguards is the wrestling superstar himself, Virgil.

The Genesis of McGillicutty

On today's Multiverse Monday, historians look back at one of the great speeches in the history of the English language.

Raw #57 - April 4th, 1994

Tonight's Raw is a night of firsts. It is the first time a cancelled Wrestlemania match will take place on the program, the first time a Wrestlemania rematch will take place, and the first time the announcers will appear at "ringside" via an obvious green screen. Vince asks guest commentator Gorilla Monsoon whether Earthquake will give Adam Bomb "The Big One" (referring to the Earthquake Splash, I hope). In an effort to completely throw any illusion of being "live" out the window, Vince asks for and catches a baseball thrown from off screen, supposedly signed by Cincinnati Reds owner and racist Marge Schott, and gives it to Gorilla. This is when Raw jumps the shark (for the first time).