Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Raw #125 - August 21st, 1995

Tonight's episode brings us 1/8 of the way to 1000 shows! Raw opens with the announcement that Kama vs. The Undertaker at Summerslam will now be a casket match, courtesy of Gorilla Monsoon and the finest computer graphics 1995 has to offer. This comes after Kama tore up the Creatures of the Night's black wreath on Superstars, then slammed one of them to the canvas after he tried gathering up the pieces. Tonight, Kama's fellow Corporation member faces Taker, hoping to soften him up enough so that the Supreme Fighting Machine can pick up the stable's first pay-per-view victory of the year.

Men on a Mission enter, with Mabel brought to the ring by a caravan of jobbers. The supposed next WWF champion and his partner are introduced by the show's graphics simply as "M.O.M." They attack Roy Raymond and Joe Hancock from behind to open the match. Vince announces that Sid will get an IC title match after all, facing the winner of the Shawn-Razor Summerslam match on the September 11th edition of Raw, which thanks to the U.S. Open airing Monday nights in Raw's time slot, is the next episode to air. Lawler mistakenly refers to golf, when it is in fact that U.S. Open of tennis that is taking Raw's place. Golf rarely takes place at night for some reason. Mabel piledrives Hancock, then no-sells a series of blows from Raymond. Mo whips Mabel into Raymond in the corner, then delivers a fairly crappy flying elbow drop for a two-count, only to lift the jobber's shoulders up. Mabel tags in and wins with a belly-to-belly suplex. King Mabel then grabs the mic and declares himself and Mo the greatest tag team in the Federation. He then challenges the Allied Powers to a "tune-up match," despite the fact that they aren't the champions.
Dean Douglas delivers his first positive Report Card, heaping praise upon Men on a Mission. King Mabel receives a grade of "NC," or "New Champion."

The 123 Kid, who faces Hakushi in a meaningless match at Summerslam, faces the Brooklyn Brawler, who ambushes the Kid with an axe-handle off the ring apron. Both announcers take pot-shots against the recent Mike Tyson fight, which ended quickly on pay-per-view. Only the WWF knows how to do pay-per-view. The Kid scores a quick roll-up on the Brawler for a victory. King then uses his "Magistrator" to draw pimples on The Kid's face, but Vince comes to the rescue, using a computerized super-sized pad (from Summerslam sponsor Stridex) to clear The Kid's skin.
Tatanka, accompanied by Ted DiBiase, comes to the ring to face The Undertaker, who strikes the Native American before the bell. The Dead Man immediately slows down his offense, as if unsure of whether he wants to put him away early or be methodical. Where's Mike Adamle on commentary when you need him? Taker whips Tatanka back and forth like Willow Smith's hair from buckle to buckle. The Native American gets the upper-hand after back-body-dropping Taker, then proceeds to work over the Man from Death Valley as Jerry Lawler makes a joke about Jerry García dying. Vince apparently takes exception to the idea that Ted Dibiase would give The Undertaker a Jerry García tie. The camera catches a shot of an unofficial "Creature of the Night" wearing what appears to be a black bath robe over a t-shirt. Vince speculates that the reason this match is so competitive (meaning one guy dominating for a long time, then another guy dominating for a long time) is that The Undertaker's strength is sapped by the lack of urn at ringside.

After the break, Undertaker finally regains the upper hand with a jumping clothesline. Vince nonetheless praises Tatanka for "taxing The Undertaker." Where IRS failed, Tatanka has succeeded. The Native American gets caught with a chokeslam, however, then gets tombstoned right of relevance for a Taker victory.
The Toddster delivers his final Summerslam Insider report, wherein Bret Hart presents some startling statistics: "Five out of five dentists recommend that I extract you from the World Wrestling Federation." He's talking about Isaac Yankem, not Todd. Men on a Mission reiterate their challenge to the Allied Powers, but according to Jerry Lawler, Davey can't find Lex Luger anywhere.

A fake quiz show segment airs to promote Raw's "new fall season."
Jean Pierre LaFitte shows off his new flesh-toned see-through shirt, which he may have stolen from Shawn Michael's bags. He chops away at Scott Taylor right off the bat. Jerry Lawler calls LaFitte a pirate, but Vince disagrees and calls him a thief. What do you think a pirate is, McMahon? A better question: What is "Big Cat" Ernie Ladd doing hanging around Men on a Mission? The only way to find out is to call the WWF Hotline. LaFitte hits a headbutt off the ropes for the first and only Maneuver (#1) of the match. The former tag team champion ties up the future tag team champion in the ropes and delivers a series of splashes to the prone Taylor. He then places a pirate flag on Taylor and hits La Cannonball off the top rope for the victory.

Vince introduces another Goldust vignette, this time pronouncing the man's name correctly. Goldy is on location this time, rather than appearing in front of a green screen with the Tiny Toons logo in the background. The Bizarre One challenges Shawn Michaels in front of the Hollywood sign and delivers his first movie quote, from Arnold Schwarzenegger of all people. "Hasta la vista, baby!" Lawler claims that the Internet "lit up" after Goldust's first appearance last week, demonstrating that he's not exactly sure how the internet works.
Vince McMahon introduces Diesel, who comes to the ring for a special interview. Expect the kind of laid-back anger you can only get from Big Daddy Cool (or Conan O'Brien graphic designer Pierre Bernard). Vince notes that many doubt that Diesel can jackknife Mabel. Maybe not, but that won't stop him from trying to powerbomb 500+ pounders in the future.  The British Bulldog comes to the ring and informs us that Lex Luger had to leave the arena for Atlanta because of a medical emergency. The champion agrees to be Davey Boy's partner for the night.

Men on a Mission come to the ring for the second time tonight, as Vince hopes to give us news "next week" about Luger's medical emergency. Has Vince already forgotten that Raw is pre-empted the following two weeks? Either way, by the time Raw returns to air, Lex Luger will have debuted on WCW Nitro. Diesel starts the match with Mo, delivering knees to the mid-section and elbows to the head. The champion works over Mo in the corner, then downs him with the big boot. Mabel steps into the ring, distracting Diesel as the Bulldog delivers a running clothesline to the champion, who then falls prey to a sidewalk slam by the King of the Ring. Mabel restrains DIesel while Bulldog slaps the champion. Jim Cornette appears in the ring, holding back the referee before Davey hits a powerslam and Mabel hits a splash. Jerry Lawler dubs this new (one-night) alliance between Bulldog and Men on a Mission, "Royal Plan B." Unfortunately, it was followed up by an abortion of a match between Mabel and Diesel, followed by another between Bulldog and Big Daddy Cool. Mabel holds the title belt and poses with it for the last time ever.
Jerry Lawler gets a word with the British Bulldog and Jim Cornette, who won't spill the beans on why Davey turned on Diesel, but who promises more surprises. King called Bulldog's attack on Diesel the biggest shock since Pearl Harbor. If King thought that was shocking, wait until September 11th! That's when Raw returns for its 1995 fall season premiere.

Final tally:

1 Maneuver (Year total: 149)

1 comment:

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