Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Raw #110 - May 8th, 1995

Last week, fans were treated to two top superstars, Razor Ramon and Sid, in a non-match. Will the bait-and-switch tactics continue tonight? The obvious sexual tension between announcers Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler boils over in the opening segment, with Vince telling the audience to look at the King's "kisser." Jerry is excited to be facing Bret Hart at the In Your House pay-per-view (at least that's why he says he's excited).
Jeff Jarrett, who two weeks ago was Intercontinental champion, and who last week was no longer champion due to a controversial match with Bob Holly on the Action Zone, is now champion once again, strutting to the ring with his belt after having beaten Bob Holly the previous day in a rematch on the Action Zone. It should be noted that all three Raws were taped on April 24th, two days before the two Action Zone matches were taped, so at this point in real life, Jeff Jarrett has not yet lost his title.

Doink arrives to avenge Double J's side-splitting prank on Dink from the year before, where Jarrett dressed as the clown and proceeded to pie-face and silly-string the insufferable mini-clown. Talk about a long time to wait for a blow-off match. Then again, Bret Hart is finally facing Jerry Lawler again on pay-per-view after the King dropped off the Survivor Series 1993 card to focus on beating rape charges. The action gets underway before the bell, and Doink's curly green hair ends up backwards, strongly suggesting that it is, in fact, a wig. See, I knew it wasn't the real Doink! Doink puts Jeff in a wristlock and works over Jarrett until getting a boot to the face in the corner. The Roadie then grabs the Doinkster, who ducks just in time for Jarrett to almost clock his own manager. Doink then does, no joke, a Stone Cold Stunner on the Roadie across the top rope, sending Double J's lackey to the arena floor. Distracted, Jarrett nearly falls victim to a schoolboy (sort of the opposite of Rob Feinstein), but kicks out at two. Jarrett then takes control, punishing Doink with a guillotine splash on the second rope. To anyone doubting the wisdom of putting a wrestling clown on TV, get a good look at the facial expressions that can be achieved by someone wearing extremely exaggerated features as their makeup. That's how you sell your opponent's moves. Jarrett gets surprised with a sunset flip, but kicks out before Raw goes to break.
When Raw returns to air, Jarrett is working over the clown's legs. Vince tells us that Bob Backlund will at last be making his big announcement next week on Raw. The referee breaks up a half crab when he sees that Double J is holding on to the Roadie's hand for leverage. Doink hits a DDT on Jarrett, who stands back up a few seconds later because the DDT is no longer anyone's finishing move. Dink bites Jarrett's butt in the corner, causing the referee to rightly admonish the diminutive clown, while the Roadie sneaks into the ring to break up Doink's stump puller. Jarrett then wins with the figure four. "Doink won't give up! He won't submit! Doink's a fighter!" pleads Vince, shortly before Doink submits. Vince still rationalizes as being the result of the Roadie's interference because he just can't let his wrestling clown lose credibility.

Now we get our first look at the Bodydonnas. Skip and Sunny are seen looking through a "Zony" TV screen at all the fat people watching at home. You would think that, seeing as how everyone watching is already looking at a TV, the faux-television frame would be unnecessary, but who am I to question the wisdom of a company that put Tammy Sytch as a mere live events reporter named, "Tamara Murphy" and put her in rather dowdy makeup, perhaps so as not to outshine Stephanie Wiand? "Skip and Sunny, the Bodydonnas. Sorta sounds like a peanut butter, doesn't it?" jokes Vince. Hey, you green-lighted the names in the first place.
Next, we see a vignette in which good guy Bam Bam expresses his regret for all the heelish things he has done over the past few months. For instance, he now realizes that Lawrence Taylor was only at the Royal Rumble to have a good time, which is what the new generation of the WWF is all about! He predict that his future in the WWF is going to burn brighter than ever before. Like the Hindenburg.

Sid steps into the ring for an interview with Vince. "Alright, Ted Dibiase. What about it?" Great question, Vince. Ted explains that he was the one who suggested that Shawn Michaels bring in Sid as a bodyguard. As DiBiase talks, Sid blinks a lot. Vince then further shows his incompetence as an interviewer by letting Sid talk into a live microphone, rambling on and on about being like "the greatest lion of ever of all time." There are no typos in that last sentence. A fan singled out on camera shakes his head and tries not to laugh.
The Toddster hypes up next week's Bam Bam Bigelow match against the shockingly still-employed IRS, who has done a big pile of nothing since trying to audit corpses and who would be popping up in WCW in just a few months.

Hakushi arrives in full Raiden gear to take on Gary Scott as Vince tries to sell us on the WWF Hotline, where you can find what the White Angel was doing in Calgary, Alberta this weekend. At least, you could have found out in 1995, when the hotline was still active and didn't have its number blurred out. Gary Scott is wearing garish tights that might be a poor representation of the Texas flag. It's a poor representation of some flag, that's for sure. Hakushi, whom Vince says has "unquestionably lives up to his moniker as 'The Modern-Day Kamikaze'" (despite not flying any planes on suicide missions into Allied Navy ships) knocks Scott down with a Devastating Maneuver (#1 - clothesline). He then delivers another Maneuver (#2), a sort of gourdbuster that nearly drops Gary on his head. Jerry Lawler points out that the number one movie in America is about how Stu and Helen Hart got their family started. That movie is "French Kiss." Thanks, King. Hakushi wins with a splash into the ring.
Todd Pettengill is back with the last In Your House report (until the ones for July's event). Diesel cuts another rather laid back promo on Sid, perhaps while sitting on a bean bag chair. As for the IC title match, Jeff Jarrett's Intercontinental belt has the wrong color strap in the picture for his handicap match on Sunday. Could it be Shawn Michael's fake belt from 1994? It would be appropriate, considering that Jarrett figured out a way to drop the title without really jobbing, then did one better than Shawn by becoming a two-time champion without ever really losing the championship to anyone. Pettengill points out that "no one has ever seen the Roadie wrestle (legally, that is)." What kind of illegal wrestling is Todd's sick mind suggesting? Oh, he means interfering in Jarrett's matches. Speaking of never being seen in the ring, we are also reminded of the Adam Bomb vs. Mabel match, which viewers wish would remain unseen. That match is for a spot in the "prestigious" King of the Ring tournament. A tournament that will feature the Roadie, Savio Vega (both of whom would debut the month before), Bob Holly, Kama, and, well, the winner of Adam Bomb vs. Mabel. In the previous year's tournament, Mabel was the worst of the bunch and ranked with 1993's Mr. Hughes as the designated duds. By the way, entries into the win-a-house contest are due this Friday, so get those envelopes in right away, dear readers! In Your House is too good (or, in the case of Beware of Dog, too well-connected to the electrical grid) to have an encore presentation, so you had better order it this Sunday night!

Back to ringside, Owen Hart comes to the ring with Mr. Fuji and Jim Cornette as we see another shot of that fan who was trying not to laugh at Sid (and whom Lawler called a moron). Next to him is a mentally challenged man whom I will not make fun of for sticking out his tongue and hitting his chest. I guess I won't include a screencap, either; such are the pitfalls of responsible journalism. Owen waves the Canadian flag, which for some reason is missing the two red stripes and has had its maple leaf replaced by a large red dot.
Bart Gunn arrives with brother Billy, providing the cowboy with an unfair advantage because Owen Hart's partner is not at ringside. Vince plugs the upcoming episode of Duckman, then has an epiphany, claiming that Bob Backlund's announcement is that he is actually Duckman. "That is not funny," says Lawler. "But Duckman is!" Bart opens the match with a Nice Maneuver (#3 - a wristlock. Yes, really), which Owen tries to escape only to be pulled to the mat. Bart then gets put in a hammerlock, but runs to the ropes and ducks, allowing Owen to fall out of the ring from the Maneuver (#4). Owen rushes back in to sneak-attack Bart, who is distracted by Hart's managers. Bart bounces back to perform yet another Nice Maneuver (#5), floating over the rope after being whipped to the corner, then leaping off the top rope with a High-Risk Maneuver (#6 - flying body press) for a two-count. Bart follows up with yet another Maneuver (#7), grapevining a prone Owen's arm behind his back with his feet and dropping back to the canvas. Bart looks to finish off Owen with an unspecified move (probably an elbow drop), but as he runs the ropes, he gets tripped by Mr. Fuji, then knocked outside by Hart, where his back is rammed into the ring post. Owen hits a "neck twister," the god-awful name Vince has started calling neckbreakers. You think he's still sensitive about that Charles Austin lawsuit? Bart surprises Owen with a sunset flip, pinning him for the three-count. He got 'im! No he didn't. The match continues, and Owen quickly pins Bart for the victory. No he didn't. We cut to commercial before Vince can declare the match over any more.

Owen is in control when Raw continues while Lawler vows to piledrive Bret Hart five times at In Your House. He'll beat him so badly, says the King, that "he'll have to unzip his pants to brush his teeth." Lawler is the last superstar who should be joking about unzipping his pants. Bart resists a suplex and lifts his opponent onto the top turnbuckle for a superplex. Jim Cornette grabs Owen's foot to send Bart crashing solo to the mat while the referee is distracted by Billy Gunn trying to draw his attention to Cornette's interference. Billy retaliates by knocking Owen off the top, crotching him on the rope. Bart then rolls up Owen from behind for the three-count (for real this time). The Gunns celebrate. They won't win on Sunday, but about this time next year they would be managed by Bodydonna Sunny. Billy would wait about three years too long to call himself, "Mr. Ass."
Clips from WWF Mania air, featuring Todd Pettengill and Stephanie Wiand visiting the In Your House house and competing in a game of "Annoying." Have you heard of it? It's like that game, "Penis," where you take turns shouting that word louder than the last person. In this game, though, you take turns being more annoying than the last person, except there appeared to be no one else around for miles to shame them into giving up, so the game escalated to World War III-like proportions.

For our last segment, the WWF blows all the credibility it had during this episode by once again insulting our intelligence, sitting Lawler and McMahon in front of a green screen. Not only that, but they are seated "in front of" the aforementioned embarrassed-of-Sid fan and his mentally-challenged son, whom previous camera shots had established as not anywhere near the announce table. Jerry Lawler finally makes his big announcement, which is that his own mother will be in his corner at In Your House. A "mother" who would look to be about thirty years Lawler's junior, by the way.

Final Tally:

7 Maneuvers (Year total: 84)

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