Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Raw #103 - March 20th, 1995

Jim Cornette promises the most historic night in Federation history, as his own Heavenly Bodies try to take the tag titles from the Smoking Gunns. Steve "Mongo" McMichael will also be on hand to deliver color commentary. Razor Ramon makes his way to the ring for the opening match, all the while oozing machismo. Cornette suggests that penicillin would help. The Bad Guy takes on the hog farmer from Bitters, Arkansas.

Henry Godwinn and Razor start out in a shoving match as Vince speculates that Ramon is angry at Double J for defending the IC title against Bob Backlund on the Sunday Night Slam. Godwinn hits Ramon with a sort of reverse spinebuster, lifting him up from the ground to drop him on his front. The move is almost as effective as the Slop Drop. Vince shills the WWF Hotline, where Jim Ross has the inside scoop on Lawrence Taylor's training for Wrestlemania. Ramon reverses a hiptoss into a backslide for a two-count just before Raw goes to commercial.
The Roadie comes to ringside to distract Razor before taking a spin kick from his future DX teammate the 123 Kid. This distracts Godwinn, who mounts the ropes to yell at the Kid before Razor grabs him for the Razor's Edge. Referee Danny Davis counts the three for a Ramon victory. Vince gets a word with Razor, who calls Double J "so estúpido" in his least convincing Cuban accent. The Ladder Man (remember when Gorilla Monsoon tried to make that nickname catch on?) worries that Backlund will beat Jarrett for the gold, then lose it to Bret Hart at Wrestlemania.

Todd Pettengill gives us the lowdown on the Sunday Night Slam which, besides the aforementioned Jarrett-Backlund match, will also feature a cage match to settle the interminable Luger-Tatanka feud as well as Bam Bam vs. Sione.
Lawrence Taylor speaks in a vignette about not being afraid of any man, only snakes and alligators. Watch out; DiBiase might hire Jake Roberts and Skinner for his Million Dollar Team!

Steve McMichael gets a special introduction before he arrives to sit next to Vince. Here's an answer to a trivia question: Mongo's first entrance music is the same cheesy Wrestlemania theme that Linda McMahon would use. King Kong Bundy, whom Mongo says has had his share of cream puffs, comes to the ring with Ted DiBiase for a handicap match against Adam Croomes and Raven... Clark. Clark, who seems to have borrowed his ring gear from the Scott Steiner collection, attempts the first (not Very Wise) Maneuver in weeks, trying to bodyslam Bundy. Both opponents try to lift Bundy, only to be shoved away. Mongo, who sounds drunk as usual, disparages "The Million Dollar Mouth" and his "Legion of Losers," including the Supreme Fighting Machine, "Coma." Bundy pins Raven (Clark) with a single boot on the chest for the three count, followed by a self-counted four- and five-count. "Coma" comes to ringside to yell at Mongo, who shoves Kama, then gets water thrown at him and gets into a brawl with the Supreme Fighting Machine. Officials have to rush to ringside to break them apart.
The Toddster, who appears to have cut his mullet (which must actually be tied back in a ponytail, considering that it would be alive and well for Wrestlemania XI in two weeks) delivers a Wrestlemania Report. Shawn Michaels cuts a pre-recorded promo about Diesel's upcoming live interview with Vince McMahon at the Sunday Night Slam, calling the pair a couple of suck-ups. This is back when Vince is supposed to be an announcer employed by Federation President Jack Tunney. Pettengill wonders if Bob Backlund is ready for his match against Bret Hart at Mania XI, then paraphrases Backlund, who claims that the question is "a rhetorical mean-spirited attack on his individualism and that he does not have the proclivity to surrender." I don't think that's a real Backlund quote, as all the words are used correctly. Paul Bearer condemns DiBiase for violating the sacred urn. Yikes! And I just though he stole it. And let's not forget about the legendary Allied Powers-Blu Twins match that, along with the rest of the matches, comprise the "greatest card in the history of the WWF."

Jim Cornette interrupts the ending of the Wrestlemania Report to introduce the Heavenly Bodies. Raw then interrupts the beginning of the match, which starts during the commercial break. Either that, or this version of Raw omits an entire segment. Yeah, probably the latter. The Bodies are in control as Vince announces an Owen Hart vs. Bret Hart match with no-holds-barred rules on next week's Raw, the last before Wrestlemania. Vince announces solo, seeing as Cornette is at ringside advising the Heavenly Bodies. Delray ascends the ropes for a High-Risk Maneuver (#2), a splash that misses as Bart moves out of the way. The Doctor of Desire runs in to prevent the hot tag, but Billy soon tags in anyway to clean house, knocking the Gigolo to the arena floor, where some fan has thrown a paper airplane. Billy and Bart hit the current over-the-shoulder version of the sidewinder, leading Billy to cover Tom, who is not the legal man. The Gigolo hits an axe-handle off the top rope onto Billy while Cornette distracts the referee. Delray takes Prichard's place and tries to pin Billy, only for Bart to put the boots to the Gigolo. Jimmy Delray then tries a jackknife pin, but Billy grabs his waist and powers up from the ground, reversing the hold into a backslide. What a Maneuver (#3)! The Gunns get the surprise pin for a win. Vince wonders whether Delray had gotten his foot on the rope. He didn't, as a replay shows. Way to cast doubt on the faces, McMahon.
We see a video package for next week's Owen-Bret match, which Todd points out is the first no-holds-barred match in Raw history. This is long before meaningless stipulation matches would happen every week with fan involvement via the WWE App.

A fuming Jim Cornette returns to the announcers' desk as the commentators hype the Sunday Night Slam in six days on USA. At least that's what I think they're doing; the terrible metal music for some reason dubbed over top of this segment by WWE makes it hard to know what exactly they're saying.

Final tally:

3 Maneuvers (Year total: 42)

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